In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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"You really have no clue do you? No matter how many times someone is going to explain that women go back, quite often, to their jobs, you're just going to think we're lazy women playing house."
Absolutely couldn't have said it better myself:) Loved it!
according to the following source, it is overall about 82%
http://www.eiro.eurofound.eu.int/2004/02/feature/se0402103f.html
Here is an interesting article that discusses the wage gap in more detail with regard to the within-occupation gap and the between occupation gap. It compares Sweden, Norway and the U.S. Note that the study found that the wage gap within a particular occupation was very minimal and that the single biggest factor in the wage gap is tendency for women and men to go into different occupations.
http://www.meyersson.com/wage5-equalpayequalwork.pdf#search=%22pay%20gap%20men%20women%20sweden%20statistics%22
Of course the heave subsidisies come from taxes. That's fine by me and that's fine by everyone I've met here...including people who are child-free by choice. Where does the money for schools come from? Taxes. That's fine by me too and by everyone I know.
"And I believe parents pay out-of-pocket a set amount above taxes when their children are actually using daycare/before/aftercare."
Sure, I said subsidized, not free. We paid about $140 per month for dd for ft dc and about $100 per month for afterschool care for ds. Once they both had afterschool care, it was about $150 per month for both (the second child pays only a percentage of the full amount). That is, by the way, the absolute maximum since we are over the income limit for a scaled rate. Other people pay much less than that.
"And from what I've read, Sweden like every other country has had its own problems with the quality of its daycare."
I haven't encountered them, nor has anyone I've known.
<It's not unusual for toddlers to self-wean earlier than age 2, if they can get enough to drink from other sources. Once walking, lots of children become impatient with the position imposed by nursing; mine did. I gave him pumped milk for another 6 months, but by 14 months he was having nothing to do with the boredom of having to be still whilst eating. This was echoed in the experiences of several women I know. I also self-weaned at about this age myself, so my mother said. >
VERY VERY VERY well said!!!
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