In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 8:47am
Well, you have 3 closely spaced children, and I only have 2 not as closely spaced.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 8:53am

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So he is in classes all day and then hangs out with his friends at night?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:01am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:10am

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What makes you think a mom with a career doesn't put her family first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:31am
Thanks Jackie...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:01am
What is your dh's second job?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:07am

Ok, that made me spit all over my monitor!


You know you could just get one of those hinged doors then you wouldn't have to get up to let him out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:07am

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When you speak of young men, what age ranges are you talking about?


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Wouldn't the most important thing that is demanding attention, be the child?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:20am

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Okay, that I understand....there is no pattern therefore you feel it's rare?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:23am

Very good point, if mom lets's him.


PumpkinAngel

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