In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:11am

"I don't think that having two breadwinners is the only way of doing that though."


I agree, and I applaud your efforts to be proactive and plan ahead for the day your DH is discharged from the military.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:13am

"Even so I think it would still be better for my son to spend that time with his daddy than with a nanny!"


Why?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:15am

"As long as the bulk of my child's care comes from me, great."


And the way I look at it, the "bulk" of my childrens' care is coming from their parents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:16am
I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:18am
My preference is that the boys see both of their parents passionate about both work and family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:19am
You forgot weekends?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:20am
Why do you care about getting "equal credit"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:22am
So once a man or woman becomes a parent, they should work primarily to bring in income and not for career satisfaction?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:25am

"I think that people should work to support their family because they have to not to develope their ego, have extra material possessions, and seek self-fullfillment. And I think that society in general disagrees and thinks that children shouldn't inhibit a parent's quest for happiness."


I think if a parent, of either gender, is lucky enough to be able to support their family and also develop their ego, have extra material possessions and seek self-fulfillment through WOH, they should.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:32am

Do you think daycare programs are getting too academic? I've heard some things about how, instead of being good for kids, that can be bad. That we end up with kids that can spit back facts rater than creative problem-solvers when we focus more on learning the alphabet when they're younger than we do with stacking blocks and other types of play. So, I'm just wondering. Do you think it's better to have a very academic daycare program--or one where the kids get to play, but are in encouraged to learn in subtle ways like being told "that's a duck" when they are holding a rubber duckie?


I think it is good that daycare is getting more educational.

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