In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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I don't understand the comparison.
PumpkinAngel
How about the first time.
Why did you ask me if I'd post links if you did? Why did you make your statement about the same information being available to all on line? (I take it you couldn't find anything to support your claims.)
I posted one source, you haven't posted any. Do you have anything to support your opinion on this? The NICHD study found that it's mothers sensitivity not time spent with baby. If you're going to argue against what research says, shouldn't you have something to back that up?
IMO, which is supported by research, once you have enough time, more time doesn't matter. How much is enough? Apparently, what the average WM has covers it since they found that maternal sensitivity was a better predictor of bonding than maternal working status.
What's the difference between sleeping in two different rooms or talking on the phone in the kitchen while your child plays in the living room?
Yes, it would count as the same because in all cases, mom is there should the children need her. Sleeping down the hall should count just as much as talking on the phone in another room while your kids play I would think.
What a relief. I can count night time hours. I knew there was a reason, besides I was too lazy/tired to trudge down the hall to nurse when mine were babies, that I co slept, lol.
FTR, I co slept but think that sleeping hours would count the same for all parents. It doesn't matter where you sleep. What matters is you are there if you're needed.
"One of the benefits I see to staying in the workforce as a mother is the opportunity to help shape issues exactly like this."
It is women who stay in the work force who will push for the changes needed to balance work and family.
"Yes. Just because they aren't parenting like YOU are parenting doesn't mean they get no credit for their parenting."
I'm not talking about whether or not they are parenting, but whether or not they are spending family time together and interacting. The issue I'm discussing is time spent together, not whether or not a person is parenting. I also never said that unless you co-sleep, breastfeed, and interact with your child at night, you're not a parent or a good parent. My husband interacts with my child throughout the day, so therefore I wouldn't say that he's "no parent at all" -- only that I'm the one doing most of the night duty. I think it's just fabulous that, as I talk about whether or not I consider something family time, you insinuate that I'm talking about whether or not something is parenting--and continue to judge and attack my DH, when I've said not a single word about your own. How polite. I think perhaps I'll just stop dignifying your posts with answers. I never used the word "parenting" with regards to the evening hours; only the phrase "family time." You're a parent every moment of the day, even when you're not with your child, and every choice you make even what daycare your child goes to is parenting. Family time, however, is something quite different. A husband parenting from Iraq certainly won't get much family time in, will he? Does that mean he's not parenting? No, just that he doesn't get much time with his kids. It's quite apalling to me that you seem to feel that family time is the same thing as parenting...even more apalling that you think I feel that way, when I've said no such thing.
What insult will you fling at my husband next? First, he's inferior, lacking, and has a terrible downside; now, he's not even a parent because at night I'm the one doing the breastfeeding. (Should he offer the baby his nipple?) You're claiming that you're making these judgement based upon my logic...when I never said anything about night time duty as related to parenting, only as it relates to time spent as a family. Sleeping down the hall from your child and waking when there's trouble is parenting; I know that. However, it's not spending time together. I credit all hours of the day to a parent when it comes to PARENTING, but I don't consider family time to be anythng other than time spent interacting as a family. VERY few families spend time together at 3 o'clock in the morning when their children are older, and when I stop sleeping physically right next to my child touching him, crooning to him, and nourishing him, that's when I'll stop considering our sleeping time as together time and start considering it only parenting time.
I agree. There is no comparison between the two. And if her sister isnt using the internet as a tool for her work, shes running about 10 years behind the power curve at the very least.
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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