In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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"I didn't know that you got credit points for parenting."
I wasn't the one who brought up 'getting credit' That post was my rebuttal to someone else bringing up credit points. Apparently though it was okay for her to go ona bout credit points but not for me to respond explaining why I felt a certain way about whether or not sleeping counts as family time (not parenting).
"I didn't know that you got credit points for parenting. "
I wasn't the one who brought up 'getting credit' That post was my rebuttal to someone else bringing up credit points. Apparently though it was okay for her to go ona bout credit points but not for me to respond explaining why I felt a certain way about whether or not sleeping counts as family time (not parenting).
"What are you basing this belief on?"
My beliefs are based on my feelings and observations, that certain things are crucial to certain areas of development. I'm not going to argue with you anymore about it. I've already stated that I feel one way, that I understand you don't agree, and that I'm leaving it at that. I don't need research to have feelings and to make observations.
"I'm curious as to where this belief has been developed."
By seeing the results of certain actions in my own life and those around me, and by what I feel.
"I co slept but think that sleeping hours would count the same for all parents. It doesn't matter where you sleep. What matters is you are there if you're needed."
I agree that is true of time spent parenting, but not of quality family time spent together. My argument isn't about time spent parenting; if you're a parent, you are parenting day and night regardless of your location.
"It is women who stay in the work force who will push for the changes needed to balance work and family"
I know plenty of SAHMs who push for changes needed for them to be able to return to being WOHM but still balance work and family, even if it's just as simple as advocating longer maternity leave or places to pump breastmilk.
"A lot of what you are describing is up to the individual family with careful planning."
I agere, and what I'm describing is what I feel should be the goal of the planning.
"What's the difference between sleeping in two different rooms or talking on the phone in the kitchen while your child plays in the living room?"
There isn't one, in regards to parenting (either way, you are parenting) but with actual family time spent together. Actual family time spent together would be co-sleeping, though I wouldn't recommend doing that forever! And actually being in the living room playing with the child.
"Yes, it would count as the same because in all cases, mom is there should the children need her. "
Agreed, and that's parenting--but not family quality time.
"Sleeping down the hall should count just as much as talking on the phone in another room while your kids play I would think."
Agreed. Either way, you're not really spending family time together.
Considering that the internet was not used in the wide way it is now, they are hardly a good example. However, there are a ton of authors and writers out there, popular and famous ones, who got their start with things like blogs and other internet venues.
And my original comment was only that for an aspiring writer, this was a good spot to practice things like proper communication, word usage, etc. I didnt say it was *the* place writers should go to get their start. Its also a great place to get ideas for stories or articles-I've managed to generate quite a bit of $ from ideas/topics that came from this very board, believe it or not.
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
"But, then you also might want to amend it for age of children."
Yeah probably, but you know how terrible I am at being precise LOL
"Between elementary school and their activities, I don't spend the majority of their waking hours with them."
Yeah, but that's out of obligation. Those are things that really benefit them. I don't think 8 hours in daycare benefits a child near as much as 8 hours of school or some time spent doing activities.
"(I take it you couldn't find anything to support your claims.)"
No, I didn't look, because these are my feelings and beliefs--not things I'm stating are facts. I imagine I could find lots of things if I did look, but so could you. There is research out there to support each sides of almost every argument, like circ vs non circ.
"I have to say that I think this forum is a really good one for practicing one's clarity of writing. Rather than thinking its meaningless and not making your best effort when you post, perhaps try using it as a good area to practice communication skills-something every writer must have."
I really don't think practicing how clear I am when I spent a short time writing something has any effect on my skill at being clear when I write something that I actually take my time with. If I were to actually take my time with this and prepare well-written, perfect speeches for every response, I wouldn't have much time left for serious writing. I don't use this to practice my writing skills, just to express my opinion and hear what others think. This isn't something I do for practice; I have other ways of 'practicing.' So no thanks, I can barely keep up now without spending lots of time proofreading 3 or 4 times to make sure every word is perfect!
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