In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:53pm

I dont understand the first part of your post, because that response has nothing to do with anything I said.

Do you really think you'd have to proof read something 3-4 times in order to make yourself clear? If you cant make yourself clear and provide well-thought out responses in daily life or on a *just for fun* forum, how do you think you will do it with things that are longer and *do* take more time? How long have you been trying to be a writer? This kind of stuff should be second nature to you, and not require proofreading or huge effort.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:54pm

<>

Post 544: "My husband interacts with my child throughout the day,"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:55pm
A writer uses anything and everything they can find to help improve their writing skills.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:56pm
Whatever. I believe you and I have reached an impasse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:58pm

There are some excellent writers here and at the Place of the Outcast. One of the reasons I enjoy popping in from time to time!

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:04am

Well far be it from me to presume to offer advice. Whatever works for ya.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 7:56am
I'm honestly curious - how do the SAHMs you know advocate for changes to maternity leave policies and breastpumping facilites?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:22am

Actually you were the one that brought it up. You claimed crdit for being with your child 24/7 but only counted awake hours for a WOHP to which the poster replied "If you get credit for sleeping hours, so does everyone else. Including working parents" . To wich your reply was a long list of circumstances in which other some parents get more credit then others.

"Apparently though it was okay for her to go ona bout credit points"

One sentence is not on and on.

You are the one who seem concerned about getting the credit points for the parenting you do.




Edited 8/24/2006 8:37 am ET by texigan-again
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:30am
It may be less confusing for others from the beginning if you said that he was TDY and not referring to it as being assigned elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 9:09am

The only thing we know about your DH is what you have chosen to share with us. What you have shared us are things like: "You've obviously never met my husband! LOL. He can barely take care of himself, much less a child. If he spent more time with Corbin, then he might be just as capable, but I'm not sure. He's not as in tune with him, doesn't know him or understand him as well. He's not as good at figuring out what he wants, keeping him out of things, much less keeping the house in order while watching hiim a few hours so I can go to the gym. If he watched him as much as I do, Corbin's main diet would probably be steak and french fries. :)"

And you wonder why many on the board do not think highly of your DH. Piece of advice, if you do not want your DH trashed on a debate board then do not trash you DH on a debate board.

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