In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:19am

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Didn't you say the follow:

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:27am

I doubt they started that way since the internet wasn't around when either started their writing careers.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:31am

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But you also

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:38am

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Again then I am confused....why are you arguing against my statement that he rarely spends time alone with your son then?


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Then I wasn't clear because if he spends several hours a week alone with your son, then he spends much more than several hours a month, just by using basic math.


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How can you compare though, the phrases several hours a week to several hours a month?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:45am

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I didn't state the quote you posted nor have I talked about getting credit....


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Why, you brought the topic up on a debate board and you don't intend to support it with anything other than feelings and observations that you won't go into detail on?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:46am
A caregiver has to love a child enough to care for him well, not die for him though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:50am
But....I went back to WOH when I had a 13 week old child, for both the income and the career satisfaction.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:52am
What do you think children in "daycare" do all day if not "activities"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:56am

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No, it's not out of obligation.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:58am

You also forgot holidays and

PumpkinAngel

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