In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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I'm not sure of your point since I didn't state anything about you practicing or not
PumpkinAngel
You never know who is behind the screen name.
PumpkinAngel
...and oh do I love reading those posts.
PumpkinAngel
Very wise advice.
PumpkinAngel
Do you think a teacher in a school will do the same?
PumpkinAngel
"only that I'm glad for the increase of a situation that means less kids in long hours of daycare and more of them home with mom (or dad, though the SAHM situation is more common than the SAHD one"
Fewer kids, not less.
Do you really think you'd have to proof read something 3-4 times in order to make yourself clear? If you cant make yourself clear and provide well-thought out responses in daily life or on a *just for fun* forum, how do you think you will do it with things that are longer and *do* take more time? How long have you been trying to be a writer? This kind of stuff should be second nature to you, and not require proofreading or huge effort.
Yes, I do. Most authors do proofread several times to be absolutely certain they've expressed themselves in the best way. I haven't been 'trying' to be a writer; I'm not actively seeking to be published. I do, however, write on a daily basis, be it in my blog, on a message board, or a poem or story. I can make myself clear in daily life when it affects my relationships with others. On a just for fun forum, it's not that I can't take the time and think about what I say; it's that I say what pops into my head. It's just a place to get out my thoughts, not tell my life story. Whether or not I'm completely clear isn't exactly what matters to me on here. That's all I'm going to say on the subject, because everyone is guilty of being vague, unclear, or even making a typo at some point. Chastising someone for their way of wording things is really quite ridiculous no matter what their hobbies or future goals are. You seem to think my posts on here are a clear reflection on my writing and communication skills in general...when really, they are just a relfection of how much thought and time I put into a just for fun internet forum that doesn't affect my life at all. The amount of time, effort, and thought I chose to put into all of my endeavors is my choice, and if I choice to put less into an chatroom than I do into my novels and conversations with those I have real relationships with, it doesn't say anything about me other than that I don't exactly care a whole lot what happens on an internet messageboard. Whether or not you understand me or my thoughts completely has very little to do with my life, my writing career, or anything other than how well the conversation flows--which, as I've said before, isn't exactly something I'm particularly concerned about on the internet dealing with strangers who have no effect on my life and on whose life I have no effect. I should not have to explain my personal history, writing style, etc. because you disapprove of whether or not I'm using this to practice my skills.
"My husband interacts with my child throughout the day, so therefore I wouldn't say that he's "no parent at all"
Excuse me, then. You're right. I did say that. I didn't recall it, only because you took it out of context so that you could decide it meant that I was stating first that my husband is gone and then that my husband is home all day--when really, it meant no such thing. I assumed that was obvious from the context, and I'm sure it was. I guess from now on I should word things so that, even if taken completely out of context by someone trying to spin my phrases differently than intended, they'll still mean exactly what I mean. I'm sure I could take statements anyone here has made out of context and spin them a way that was unintended, then tell them how unclear and contradictory their posts are.
That didn't mean that my husband is with my child, speaking to him, all day. You see, it was in the context or whether or not my husband is a parent based on whether or not he covers night duty. The point of the statement was that, regardless of who covers night feedings, my husband still parents during the day and in the evening so therefore he is still a parent. The context of something changes its exact meaning. That you took this out of context doesn't mean that I am contradictory; it only means that you took it out of context, which changes its true meaning because of the lack of background.
So yes, I did say that. Did it mean exactly that? No. Of course, you'll now say "You're just trying to change it's meaning!" when I think it's meaning was pretty clear from the context (as well as from other things I've said). You see, when I read, I can put together a story. If someone says that their husband works, but when defending whether or not he's a parent for not taking night duty, saying that he interacts with them throughout the day... I would, from the context and the other things I know about that person, conclude that must mean that obviously he interacts with them during the day when he is home. Then again, my methods of inferring and implyng things are very different.
Perhaps I should have written my entire life story so that it wouldn't be confusing when I stated that my husband was gone, but that my taking night duty doesn't mean he's not a parent because he parents during the day. As I've stated before, because he's gone for a single month doesn't mean I'm going to speak of him in past tense as though the seperation is the norm.
So, it's my fault for saying that. However, I used the context of the paragraph to try to make it apparant what was meant. But, you are the one to blame for taking it out of context. I'm just not used to talking with people who read each sentence individually and rather than infer the meaning from the context, just take it for face value.
I'm bowing out for now, at least of the debate with you. I'm not going to discuss something with someone who takes every oppertunity to be rude, or takes statements out of context to imply a meaning other than something that they meant or insinuate that a writer is unclear despite making the meaning clear with the context. If you're not going to read my paragraphs and use them to make inferences and understand what is said, then I'm not going to bother to write you paragraphs. You are just picking phrases that pop out, obviously, and finding anything that seems inconsistent when taken out of context rather than actually debating and/or using your ability to peice together a story, rather than needing it told to you from start to finish in great detail.
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