In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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"Again then I am confused....why are you arguing against my statement that he rarely spends time alone with your son then?"
Because you argued with my statement that leaving him once a week was rare. If you don't consider once a week rare for me and my son to be seperated, then I don't understand why you'd consider it rare in regards to him being alone with my husband.
"Then I wasn't clear because if he spends several hours a week alone with your son, then he spends much more than several hours a month, just by using basic math."
YAY. For once I wasn't the one being unclear. lol!
"How can you compare though, the phrases several hours a week to several hours a month?"
Well, we were comparing in terms of how many times a week equalling to how many hours a month...and then we started switching up weeks and months, and I think it was just an accident. :P I'd been saying times a week, several hours a month, and then you started saying several hours a week....so I was like, wait, what? I said several hours a month! It was sokething like that. I think it was accidental. I understand that the two aren't comparable. That's why I was confused! I was wondering why we were comparing them, same as you.
"They certainly seemed to bother you by the response I received after asking them."
Like I said, it was really more the wording/tone I perceived than the questions (except for the ones that felt like they were digging deep). I can't explain how the questions were negative except to say that the way they were phrased sounded negative.
"I stated my background and support for the way I believe"
So did I.. And this is my background and what I feel supports it:
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That you don't consider it valid doesn't mean that I didn't answer the question. It just means I didn't answer it the way you wanted.
"I think you might want to do some research in this area of development as there are many approaches to education and it's helpful when a child starts school to have something other than feelings and observations to fall back on when speaking and advocating for one's child."
I have done research and seen a lot in many things I've read and researched that lead me to feel this way. I just don't feel the need to post everything I've read about it that makes me feel that way, because I'm not arguing that my view is right or wrong--just stating that it's my view. I'm just not going to put the energy into going through my library of books, searching google, etc. to prove it, because I'm not trying and don't want or need to prove anything.
"How about this... a peice of advice for you... don't trash people you don't know,"
Please point out where I have trashed anyone.
"A caregiver has to love a child enough to care for him well, not die for him though."
I agree, but I think much more of the child's time should be spent for the one who'd die for him. I'm not saying there should be no other caregivers than the parents, though. I'm sure there are many people who are better 'caregivers' than me, but that doesn't mean I think they are the best person for my son to spend most of his time with.
Psssst. You'll want to take a look at the Am. Heritage Bk. of Engl. Usage at bartleby.com.
Punkalicorn is correct. But now you no longer have that pet peeve!
"But....I went back to WOH when I had a 13 week old child, for both the income and the career satisfaction. What's the difference between that and your situation now?"
It isn't really, except that I have very little career satisfaction right now other than to simply be glad for the income and being glad for not having to leave my child for long hours to work. I'm not really trying to compare our situations or call mine better/worse than yours. (Right now, yours is probably better, because we're in a jam to prevent a tighter jam!) I'm saying that in general the best choices have to vary by situation...not saying that it makes our situations totally different or something. Nothing I'm saying here is meant to be a "Well, my situation is this, and yours is this, and so...." I'm just saying every situation is different, so what's best is going to be different for everyone. Not just you an dme.
Edited 8/24/2006 6:59 pm ET by texigan-again
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