In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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"You most certainly did trash him early on and have recanted...but, more to the point, how did you show him the board when he is in another state?"
Well, let's see... he has the internet, and I have the internet. I emailed him and said "Hey, look at this." And he did.
And, I didn't trash him. If I was being serious, not joking, I wouldn't have said LOL after the statement. In any case, saying that we each have our own strengths and weaknesses, that I have more experience and am thus better with the childcare right now, etc. is not trashing him. I didn't say anything nasty about him, and he agrees. You can call it what you want. If you think stating that he isn't "as good" as reading our son to be "trashing him" or stating "He can't even take care of himself, much less a child" and then laughing (clearly indicating a joke, as in not serious and also of course not completely true, probably an exaggeration for humor) to be "trashing him" that's fine...but I don't consider it 'trashing' and neither does he. And that's what matters to us. :)
"you are such a better debater than me or anyone else on this board, even though you are not wanting to debate!"
I don't think I'm much of a debater at all, at least not on this subject...but you're right. I'm not wanting to debate. I just like to state my view and hear what others have to say. I at least am not taking things out of context and using them to try to discredit people.
"i am the same - interested in opinions and examples of actual experience here, which i find to be much more solid than statistics."
I'm so glad someone finally gets it and agrees!
http://www.llrx.com/columns/grammar2.htm
Nice try ;)
Hey, I am not the one who called in reinforcements...
And I do feel that if you won't leave your child with your husband because of how he cares for him, you do really freaking care...you keep backpedaling but your words are all we can go on.
They don't have to be better off...if they are just as good off, why isn't that good enough?
My dh and I are both very smart...that doesn't mean I think we should homeschool.
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