In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:04am

Are you comparing this forum to other debate forums or to other type forums, support etc? Much of what goes on here does not happen on other forums (or IRL) because there it would be considered rude. But this is a debate forum so yes you are expected to explain yourself clearly and we will question things that we don't think are clear. We will draw out certain points of your posts to debate. We will question if what you say now does not sound like what you previously said.

Trying to compare us to a suppport board is like comparing apples and oranges. We are not a support board, we are a debate borad, two totally different things and so the posting at each is different. What is normal there is not normal here, and what is normal here is not normal there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:22am
I don't think being at home alone with me for
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:34am

just wanted to jump in and say ita,punkalicorn!!

i sense trust in your posts because you can acknowledge what it is you do for a living without inserting it as some mighty hand of message board law here. lol :)......heck,the faux pas "a WRITER is going to use anything and everything THEY can.." is a big whoops in the writing world. even my 3rd grader knows better than that.




Edited 8/25/2006 9:40 am ET by egd3blessed

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:39am

"I agree, but I think much more of the child's time should be spent for the one who'd die for him."


We could debate the whole time issue again, but leaving that aside, why?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:51am
I gather from this post that you don't realize that activities done in an excellent daycare mirror activities done in preschool or after school care.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:51am

I think it's human nature that adults protect children in times of trouble, possibly putting their lives in jeopardy. You see it countless times, where an adult will jump into a frozen pond to save the life of a child that's not theirs. Or adults running into burning buildings to save a neighbor's child. I watched a show awhile ago about that hostage situation in Russia. They had taken over a school and had hundreds of adults and children as hostages for a couple of days. The adults jeopardized their lives for the children. Adults shielded the children's bodies from gunfire when it broke out. All of the children weren't their own.

You can't say that an adult wouldn't die for a child unless they were in a situation like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:53am

There's a difference between us.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:54am
Think long term.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:00am

It's

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:10am

"Of course I would not want overload shoved down my childs throat but you know elementary school is getting more and more challenging."


Do you think that's good? Do you think it's getting TOO challenging maybe? That we're expecting too much too son? I don't know much about elementary schools, so I'd rather ask you. From what I've heard from others it feels like there's a lot of pressure on kids these days. It makes sense that if elementary school is getting more challenging, so would preschool.


I personally am amazed how different grade school is now compared to when I was there.

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