In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:22am

<>


No, it's not.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:24am

It's often a perk of having a career versus a job.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:26am

I asked you the question.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:29am

I haven't assumed anything about anyone's screen identity, nor whom is lurking behind it.


<>


Because while it's anonymous, you never know who is reading it.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:30am

Why would someone post on a debate board who didn't want to debate?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:36am

Do you have any background in teaching?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:45am

Curious...which language do you write and edit in?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:12pm

I write and edit exclusively in English. I'm a complete coward and refuse to write, even casually, in Swedish or German. I should force myself to do it, but I'm a perfectionist ;-)...

The grammar rules for those three languages are very different, surprisingly different given that Swedish, German and English are all basically Germanic languages. Most Germans and Swedes are unable to write completely correctly in English. Even the best struggle badly with commas, for example. Most Germans awkwardly twist the sentence structure and Swedes struggle with articles (in Swedish, articles go at the end of the noun in both the definite and indefinite forms).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:42pm
I totally agree with you. On top of that, some kids don't cosleep, don't like it, and don't want to. I coslept with my son, (mostly because getting out of bed to nurse is a PITA.. LOL) but my daughter wouldn't sleep in my bed. She also wouldn't sleep in a bassinet next to my bed. She slept through the night in her own crib in her own room since she was 5 weeks old. So as much as someone might think cosleeping is the be all end all, sometimes kids have other ideas. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:39pm

"But co sleeping isn't parenting. It's sleeping"

I'm not talking about it in relation to parenting. I'm talking about it in relation to family time spent together. Parenting and family time spent together are two very different things. A child that's nestled up against his mother is spending time with her. A child down the hall, while still being parented, isn't spending family time with anyone.

Am I the only one capable of making the distinction between parenting time and spending time together? Parenting is done 24/7. Family time is when you are together doing something. And co-sleeping, as it applies to the situation of a mother and child who wake frequently throughout the night to nurse, is quality time IMO. I'm not counting up "parenting points" I'm talking about how much family time people get. The co-sleeping thing isn't even relevant except to explain why I say I spend almost 24/7 with my child and get more family time with him than I think others do. Co-sleeping and SAHM, I think, are two factors in the amount of time I get with my son--not how much parenting I do. You're parenting 24/7 no matter where you are with your child or not.

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