In today's economy, how can U stay home?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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"Most of what you have posted here is opinion not research."
Actually several of those webpages are reviewing research done, even showing the actual study done. What is opinion is based on that of medical professionals...but I guess their opinion, like mine, is invalid.
"You really need to know what the consequences of the research you are posting are and the jury is still out and likely will be for a long time on this one."
The consequences? So, first I'm not allowed to have an opinion unless I post the research. My opinion is invalid without it. So, I post some, and I'm told I need to know the consequences of it? What in the heck? The fact of the matter is there is evidence both ways, and if you're all allowed to believe one side of it, I'm certainly allowed to believe the other.
"Are you comparing this forum to other debate forums or to other type forums, support etc?"
I'm not comparing this forum to any forum. I'm comparing how capable you all seem to be of understanding me to how capable those I usually speak to are of understanding me, in or out of a forum.
"We will draw out certain points of your posts to debate."
Why don't you draw out points that are relevant to what I believe about daycare and the issue at hand, rather than my own individual life? I've always beleived debating the issue to be far more productive than picking out posts, trying to prove someone an inconsistent hypocrit, and discredit them for grammatical errors and not being precisely clear when describing their life which isn't really anyone's business to dig up anyway. I've presented a bit of info, only to have people dig deeper and deeper and then freak out when they find out that what's going on now isn't what usually goes on in my life, or to take something out of context and insinuate it has a different meaning than intended. Debating whether or not my husband is home right now or not has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of the debate. Why don't we just call each other names if we're going to discredit each other by grabbing things out of context and twisting them to prove a false point?
"Trying to compare us to a suppport board is like comparing apples and oranges"
Do you think the only people I ever talk to are on support boards? Do you think I've never been on a debate board? Or that I don't talk to people off of boards at all?
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"You can't say that an adult wouldn't die for a child unless they were in a situation like that"
I don't think every adult would, and I don't want to wait for that situation to occur to find out if I can avoid it.
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Do you realize that for children who are in daycare 50 hours a week that daycare is part of their comfort zone?
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