In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:50pm

"you should consider being a lawyer when your time does ease up and you have time to pursue that career."

Wow. This is so odd. You are NOT the first person to say this to me over the years...and I have considered pursuing a career as a lawyer. I just don't know that I'd have what it takes, not right now anyway. I think I need to mature and reach a point where I feel more career-focussed, but that is something I've considered.

Thank you for this post. I'm glad someone agrees with me. Mostly it's just been me debating everyone else. You probably are biased because we share the same opinion, but I do agree that I've answered the same questions over and over. It takes a lot of patience, and it is hard to keep up. I'm probably going to bow out soon enough as well. I prefer to debate in a much different style that repeatedly asking questions, though I already know the answer just to force someone to be technical to the point of exasperation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:53pm
Why thank you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:53pm
Yep, you're right. It would be hard for a woman without as much education or career experience to meet that income. There are ways of ensuring that a family will survive despite having one breadwinner and one at-home parent if the breadwinner can no longer...um...win bread. Insurance, for example.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:56pm
What kind of insurance would cover the salary for someone for more than 6 months to 1 year who lost their job?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:59pm

"You will be asked to explain and give examples why this is bad because you are insulting those of us who are working"

Not really considering not everyone who works has a child who is seperated from them 9.5 hours a day.

"Just as I would be insulting you if I said "Staying at home with your child is bad"

No, I would just consider that your opinion. There are a lot of people who think a lot of things I do are bad. I listen to their concerns, state my side, then continue doing what feels right to me.

"I bet you didnt' know "

Of course I didn't know; I've never seen you before. And I have yet to say anything to you specifically about your situation, nor have I made any general statement that working is bad--only that I disapprove of long hours in daycare. The only general statement Ive made is that I think children are better off being with their parents more than being in daycare 9.5 hours a day.

"do I constantly have to year "being seperated from my baby is bad???"

Yes. And I constantly have to hear that SAHMs are lazy, selfish, etc. That's just part of any life choice. You're going to hear someone from another side stating that what you're doing is wrong. Regardless of whether you have a career, what your career is, people are always going to disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:01pm
And I think that's too much for young children, not all children, but those maybe...4 and under, unless they are very mature for their age or something
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:01pm

"You do not remember but bits and pieces before the age of 4."

That doesn't mean it cannot and does not have effects on your subconscious. Also, most psychologists believe personality is developed in those younger years whether they are remembered or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:02pm

<>


No, that's the law.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:02pm

He's not union?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:03pm

"But you can't do that, even as a SAHM, every moment of the day"

I really beg to differ. Most of the time when my child is in a perilous situation, I'm there. It's not like he's running in the streets (or ever will be) while I do dishes.

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