In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:16pm

"I think nannies are a lot beter than daycare for young children that have to be seperated for long hours of the day, but I still think a parent is the best choice if possible."

And I don't think daycare is like infant bootcamp, nor did I ever make any such comparison. Believing that a child is better with a parent has nothing to do with what I think goes on at daycare. I think daycare is a several children to one caregiver ratio in which a child cannot possibly get as much attention, guidance, or supervision as when at home with a parent. I think daycare forces them to grow up, be independent, and learn to be away from their mothers way too early. That doesn't mean I think they are running track or doing push ups all day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:16pm
What are you talking about? I said unless the mother is neglectful, I think the child is better off with her than in daycare. I never said daycare is neglectful, just that it's better than a neglectful mother as in one who ignores her child, doesn't feed or clothe him, or abuses the child. Goodness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:16pm

I read it....it's a hoot.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:17pm

What kind of insurance?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:20pm
None, but if you got enough to pay off a mortgage, perhaps a car or two, cover college expenses, and still have some left over, the mother could then, with so few bills left to pay, go get a job and, even making less money than the husband once did, still make ends meet. For example, we have $400,000 through the military. With that, I can buy a house, a car or two, put enough in an educational IRA for my son's college to be covered, then have a little cushion left over. I'd have to work to pay utilities, clothes, etc., but rent/mortage/car payment/college saving would be covered so I wouldn't need to earn near as much--especially if I moved home near my family and leaned on them for support. So, yes, I think there are ways of planning that would make it possible for an at-home parent to still maintain the same standard of living.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:20pm

<<>>>


How would it affect your subconscious?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:20pm

Thanks but I don't think we need your pity.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:21pm
No, because I never said that sending your child to daycare was neglectful. Read the post again. It stated that UNLESS the mother is neglectful, the best place for a child is with the mother (or other parent). It did NOT state that a mother who uses daycare is neglectful, just that for a mother who is INDEED neglectful daycare is better than being at home with mom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:24pm

"Who are these psychologists? "

The ones that believe your personality developes when you're young, by age 3 usually? Does Freud ring a bell? Yeah, there are many who agree with him.

"How would it affect your subconscious?"

How does ANYTHING affect your subconscious? Really. So, nothing that happens before the age of 5 when a child can really remember affects them at all subconsciously? Is that what you're saying? So, because our subconscious is unaffected that early on, despite Freud's proclamations, I couldn't possibly be correct that there are negative effects of early seperation from the parents? Is personality now something totally genetic, uninfluenced by one's activities, experiences, environment, and parents and peers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:26pm

Obviously the $80 playpin is just as good as the $200 one, ya know?


Not necessarily.

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