In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:40pm
Why do you keep saying 9.5 hrs a day, or 9-10 hrs a day, when the average amount of time a child spends in daycare per day is around 7 hrs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:40pm

Okay what is the acceptable amount of daycare

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:40pm

Are you talking death or disability?


Do you have enough life insurance on you for your dh to stay at home with your son for 18 years or are we just talking a short time?


Enough life insurance to fund college fund, retirement funds and still be able to live?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:44pm
My father was retiring from the Navy and moving to Kentucky, while I was hoping to go to college in SC if I decided to go. I was left with nowhere to live, unless I wanted to go live with family members in other states. Therefore, I moved into my own place with some roommates and got a job working to pay my bills, taking some time to figure out what I wanted to do for a career. I kept coming to the same conclusion, that there's no career out there that I really want. There were things I was and still am interested in, but nothing that really excited me other than writing and motherhood. Therefore when Corey asked me to marry him, I said yes, and when we had our finances in order and felt ready, we started ttc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:44pm

"He is one. You said many. Where is medical evidence to back that up? Anything not backed up by solid medical evidence is theory."

That's right. That was Freud's theory, and many agree with him. Most of psychology is theory, especially when it comes to children.

"I would think if you were abused, but if your childhood was happy, I don't see how it would have a negative effect"

Even a child who had a mostly happy childhood can have scars because of the negatives in the childhood.

I agree with psychologists that by the age of 3 our personality has developed quite a bit and that we are influenced the most in our early childhood, and that's another reason why I think it's so important for young ones not to be in daycare for long hours too soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:45pm
So at what age does your child's life no longer require your physical presence to throw yourself in front of the bus?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:46pm
The $80 Graco Playpin that I got at Walmart is just as good as any other sold at Babies R Us for double that price. I never instructed her to buy such things cheap or secondhand. What I meant was, if you're standing in Walmart, and you see two different brand name playpins, one $80 and one $200, they're probably just as good as each other. The point is that you don't have to have the fanciest of the fancy to make do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:47pm
Beats me!!! All I know is what he tells me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:47pm
Because that's the number others continuously use. I think anything more than 5 or 6 is really too much for a child under the age of 4.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:48pm
It varies from child to child but to me anything more than 6 at the most for a child under 4 is too much.

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