In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:14pm

When did I say that I cook dinner in the kitchen while my child plays in the family room? My child usually plays with pots and pans and my feet, and we talk to each other. That's spending time with him.

At night, when we're sleeping, that may not be spending time with him...but the several times I wake up to nurse him, comfort him back to sleep, or just to look at him as I fall back to sleep certainly are.

Just wanted to clarify. It's been real. Adios.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:16pm

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Yes, law defines gives the basic obligations.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:18pm

He's not getting kicked out. He's not being allowed to reinlist. His contract is done next November. Before he starts receiving that new, larger income, we have to sell a house, secure a new home, fix up a house, pay to move, save money, and get our credit in good shape.

And yes, I could make enough to support us by putting more time and effort into Mary Kay, increasing the amount of time I work greeting, and possibly picking up another steady job with a set schedule such as running deliveries. I think sometimes WOHMs give SAHMs as little credit as SAHMs give WOHMs :/

Nice talking with you. I'm going now. Really...STOP DRAWING ME BACK IN.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:18pm

Read my post again, you seem to be missing what I am asking.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:19pm

Have you ever heard of helicopter parents?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:21pm

And where has he been today when you spent the majority debating us?


What kind of stimulating activities have been done today?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:23pm
If a child enjoys daycare, what exactly do you think the damage to his developing personality could be. You've stated that unremembered early childhood experiences affect personality, and I agree. You've stated that not all things that children enjoy are good for them- again, I agree. But there is nothing tying these things together. Your point about children enjoying things that aren't the best for them is irrelevent unless you can show that enjoyment of daycare falls in the category of "things children enjoy but that aren't the best for them".
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:28pm

This board takes a bit of getting use to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:29pm

I used Consumer Reports and other research for a lot of my larger baby purchases.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:30pm

I've mentioned numerous times to you in posts that the average is 32/hours a week.


PumpkinAngel

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