In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:31pm

"I think sometimes WOHMs give SAHMs as little credit as SAHMs give WOHMs :/"

The thing is....I was a SAHM for over six years. I also found my way back to the workforce after 6 years at home with kids. I have a graduate degree and I know how tough that was for me. Honestly, it is a lot tougher than many SAHMs realise to get back into a decently paying job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:32pm

That's me.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:34pm

....and the consequence?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:40pm
Very good point
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:48pm
Not "the" comfort zone, "a" comfort zone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:48pm
Just one of the places a child would have

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:50pm
It's much worse to raise

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:15pm
The time I spent debating with you today, my son was in my lap nursing until he fell asleep, and then he napped in my lap for quite a bit. Right now, he's on the floor playing with a toy while I place an online inventory order and mostly lurking a bit on forums, and in about 5 minutes when I've completed it, we'll be back to our 'stimulating activities' (the specific details of which are none of your business).
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:24pm

That's a lot of life insurance.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:28pm

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How many psychology classes have you taken?


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How is it going to cause him scars?


PumpkinAngel

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