In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:30pm

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Then why are you working so hard to bridge the gap money wise

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:33pm

It's tough to keep leaping.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:34pm

I dont know if she has come back to answer this question or not but here goes.....

No she would not get 400,000 dollars unless he died while in the military. It is life insurance that each service member is allowed to purchas. They also have a plan for spouse for 100,000 should they die and 10,000 per child. Again for a fee.

Now if you are disabled while on active duty then you would get disablity pay. Usualy somewhere between 1-100% of your military pay while you were on active duty.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 6:03pm
I bought one of the most expensive carseats there are, it was #1 on the NTSB list. In the long run however, it's cheaper, because it can be used all the way until dd no longer needs a carseat of any kind. I have purchased 3 carseats for ds, because I bought an infant seat, a toddler seat, then a booster seat, and it cost a lot more then the single expensive seat. :)


Edited 8/25/2006 6:13 pm ET by charlesmama1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 6:13pm

We are working so hard now so that it won't be a problem, leaving us in financial ruin, when it does occur. Computer network administration is in high demand, and because of that, many people have chosen it for their career. So many that the Air Force has too many people, and they have chosen to contract out to the lowest bidder and transfer the men to other career fields or have them leave the military. They are contracting out many other jobs right now as well. The Air Force is saturated, whereas the Army and other branches need people. In any case, I don't see what my personal situation has to do with the real issue. Awful nosy, aren't ya?

Why are we working so hard? Because when he switches jobs, he's not going to get a severance paycheck. We want to fix the house, sell it, buy a new one and thus have good credit, and deal with other expenses between the time he quits the military and starts working his new job. He isn't going to get paid in advance for his new job. Yes, he'll be making double what he earns now, but he won't start making it until AFTER we've moved from here to where we're going, AFTER we've fixed up a house and settled into a new one, AFTER we've sold one house and bought another, and AFTER he stops working one job and STARTS working the other. It's not like he's going to get out of the Air Force and two days later get a paycheck from his new job. We have to have money to last the few weeks it'll take to transfer everything. Now, we could stay here and not have to deal with the moving and the house swapping, but we'd rather go home to be near our family. However, the fact of the matter is that if he were to get kicked out tomorrow, it wouldn't take hiim very long to find a job here. Sure, we wouldn't be able to move back home for a while. However, the reason we are working so hard is so that we CAN move back home. As I've already said... family is VERY important to us, not just another thing on our to-do list like some people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 6:15pm
And being that he's in the military right now, that's all we need right now. Later on, we will need another life insurance plan. However, for now, we are covered. Spousal life insurance is $50,000, not $100,000 btw; however, being covered by SGLI doesn't mean you cannot buy additional policies from other places. As for disability pay, yes, we'd get that, too...meaning that right now, we're in good shape if either of us dies or becomes disabled. It is possible to plan in such a way that you can prevent financial crisis. People just chose not to do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 6:20pm

"I'm not comparing this forum to any forum. I'm comparing how capable you all seem to be of understanding me to how capable those I usually speak to are of understanding me, in or out of a forum."

Understanding the spoken word is much different from understanding the written word. We don't have body language/facial expresion etc to reply on.

"Why don't you draw out points that are relevant to what I believe about daycare and the issue at hand, rather than my own individual life? "

We debate what is given to us. If someone does not want their personal life debated then they should not post about their personal life.

"Do you think the only people I ever talk to are on support boards? Do you think I've never been on a debate board? "

I have no idea, hence the question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 6:29pm

"If you cover the expenses of gas, childcare, lunches out, clothing, dry cleaning, etc., it adds up to be quite a bit."

Not all WOHM have all of those expences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 6:54pm

Hi there..
I just read your post. I totally understand your worries. I had the same when I was 33. I never thought I would be married or have kids. Then I got pregant out of wed-lock..EKKKK!!! I was a single mother. But I knew I wanted a baby.

I own my our business and always said I could never-ever-do it too. Now I have the most beautiful little girl named Lila Alice :). I am 37 now and she's 4 and it's hard but we make it work. I don't know what I would do without her. I don't even get child support. Sometimes I don't know how I do it. I just get by with mortgage, health insurance, day care. I know you must haved heard this before but You make it work (it doesn't seem like work-it's so much fun ) I just don't want you to miss out on this!!!
I do undersand when you are planning it seems scary. I never planned and that was the best thing that has ever happened to me!
Take care -keep in touch!
Regards
Cindi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:25pm

Actualy you are incorect on Spousal life insurance. They offer 100,000. Which is what I have as a Navy wife. Atleast the navy does and since it is SGLI it should be the same for the Air force.
http://www.insurance.va.gov/sgliSite/FSGLI/fsgliPremiums.htm#fsgliCurrent

There is the link. Spousal life insurance ranges anywhere from 10,000 dollars to 100,000 dollars. The choice is yours.




Edited 8/25/2006 7:33 pm ET by subswife
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