In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 4:28pm
The argument is that if you're personality is at the crucial stages of development, wouldn't you want to be the main influence at that time? And yes, day care has been linked to negative aspects of a personality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 4:52pm

**SAH doesn't support change, it supports going backwards to the 1950's**

LOL...another one of your little gems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 5:02pm
why are you responding to me in this way? My response was to add on to someone else my experiance. In no way was I actualy responding to you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 9:09pm

When am I not my child's main influence?

Even if my chld spends more time with our dcp than me, it's not like our dcp is undermining what we teach our children.

Do children who go to day care develop different personalities than those who don't?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 11:16pm
Why would I be working? I'm a SAHM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 11:40pm

= aggressive

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:18am
what are all of these horrible things you think are waiting to befall your child if you are not attached to him constantly?
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:22am
see for me that would only be an issue if i was choosing to raise my kids in an area where school shootings were a constant thing. i can not and will not raise my kids in an atmosphere of fear of having bad things happen to them.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:26am
wow, it really costs your dh 15-20K per year just to work? i dont know anyone who spends that kind of money to work
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:26am
Right. Yes, I'm sure that if your child is spending more time with someone else than you, you're still the main influence. And I'm sure you know EVERYTHING that goes on while the child is at daycare. Okay. :)

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