In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 4:33pm
Yes, exactly. You can find lots of SAH is better sites, but that does not make it true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 4:34pm
HUH? What was that supposed to mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 5:04pm

I already answered what I feel is too much and why I feel it is too much. Read my posts until you understand; I won't answer the asme question again.

What should you notice? Should? Well, you should notice any differences, obviously. The differences, if any, will vary case by case, I'm sure. I've already answered this question, too. Once again, go reread my posts, and you'll find what differences can occur.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 5:10pm

Yes, if they spend more time with a DCP than they do a parent, they're probably going to be more influenced by the DCP.

I don't have to specify what exactly; there are a multitude of things to which my child could inadvertedly be exposed to too early. I don't have to define my values and principals to justify whom I chose to allow to influence them on a daily basis. Of course those values are those I want to instill in my child, but there are many other things as well.

You can't chose a DCP that reflects your own exact beliefs and values; every person's heart is different. You can chose one that reflects your beliefs about a few subjects, but it's doubtful she's going to agree with you about everything. Regardless, you don't know what goes on when you're not there, what might slip out of her mouth, etc. You can welcome oppertunities to explain your beliefs and values, but if you've managed to address everything you believe in, your list of principals is probably short. If I'm going to expose my child to a person on a daily basis I want to know not only that the person is the kind of person I want influencing my child and that the child is old enough not to be given the wrong impression if the person does happen to see differently on a subject.

What 'awful' thing? There are a multitude of things he could learn, not all of them awful but still not something I want him learning. Things don't have to be TERRIBLE to be something a child isn't ready to learn about. What I consider to be bad, you might consider good. I'm not going to debate my basic principals with you to convince you I have the right to have them and keep my child from being prematurely exposed to things I don't think he needs to learn about. And it's not just the DCP, but other kids, too. I don't want him in a position where he has to defend being Pagan before he's ready, where he can pick up dirty words or be exposed to practices I don't agree with such as spanking. Most of the infants in daycare are being fed bottles, and most of those bottles contain formula considering there's a large percentage of WOHMs who wean early. I don't want my child getting the idea that formula is normal or the natural thing to do, just as good as breastfeeding, etc., because that's most certainly not true. There are many things/ideas, not all of them "awful" that he could learn in that situation before he's ready. Therefore, I won't be putting my child in a situation before he's ready, and if he's not ready for kindergarten, he's not ready to go to daycare several hours a day several days a week.




Edited 8/27/2006 5:15 pm ET by punkalicorn
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 5:11pm
Same for WOHM. There's evidence both ways, and there's no proof that either side is biased. Unless you can prove all the SAHP supporters formed a bias, THEN did research, rather than forming their bias based on research, there's no proof they are based...and the same goes for WOHM sites. Everyone gets to chose their side, and there's no 100% proof either is true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 6:57pm

You've given your opionion. You're going to have to do better than that if you want to be taken serisously.

So what happens to these children who are in day care too much? If the differences won't be notices, I hardly think it's even an issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 6:58pm

Paranoid much?

Do you even realize what it takes for a child to spend more time with a dcp than their parents? How many hours a week in day care would that take?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:09pm

I don't care if it's taken seriously.

I also already answered the question of what the possible negative affects of too much daycare or kids in daycare too young are. Again, just go read through my posts again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:11pm

For one, I'm counting waking hours. Secondly, a child doesn't have to be with a person MORE than a parent for that person to be just as big an influence on them.

Paranoid? No. Dedicated to making sure my child is ready to handle things he sees, things life throws at him, things he hears, etc., understands, and knows my position? Yes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 8:34pm
Be my guest. I've never found one. I'd like to read the ones you found. Please post your links to these pro WOH anti SAH web sites. I'd like to see if they misrepresent research the way pro SAH sites do (they tend to report only the aspects that support their cause and ignore anything else including the researchers disclaimers.)


Edited 8/27/2006 8:59 pm ET by kbmammm

Pages