In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:59pm
As you can see, I have stopped answering the nosy personal questions being asked, therefore, I'm not posting it on the debate board any longer. I came to this debate board for the SAH/WOH debate, not to vote on DH of the year or hand out the best mom award.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 1:23am

Nonsense. My post has a time/date stamp from when it was posted that proves exactly when I wrote it. Post #876. If you have your time set for your local time, you can easily see it was written in the middle of the night, US time.

When you responded to it is completely irrelevant, as your demand was nothing more than a thinly veiled slam about MY activities on the internet, not yours. Perhaps, rather than trying to slam me for the time I spend here, you might consider your own time, given you've twice as many posts on this board as I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 1:37am
i dont know everything that goes on with my children while they are home with me - so what. i cant imagine any reason that i would need to know everything that goes on in my childs day
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 1:56am
do you understand the concept of "debate"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 2:04am
i gotta agree with you here....there are many things i can and do teach my kids but there are 10 times more things that i dont even know about to teach them. i think the difference between me and the other poster is that i dont want my kids to grow up to be just like me - i want them to be exposed to as many different ideas and ways of doing things as possible so that they have information when they are trying to learn and develop into the people they want to be - at least for me it is not about what i want them to be it is about what they want to be. and then there are those things i know about but am not interested in and they are going to have to learn about them somewhere else. with my oldest it was opera, i cant stand it, will not sit thru it so i found a daycare one summer that took the kids to the opera she loved it. with my little guy it is going to be nascar - whatever he learns about that is going to have to come from someone other than me.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 2:29am
There are also people who are posting from different time zones. The date stamps on posts are all based on U.S. eastern time. I, for example, am 6 hours ahead of that time. Others may be even further ahead or behind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:10am
My mom "thinks" she's been reincarnated and that her guardian angel lives in her house with her; she has lots of "literature" to "prove it".

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:02am

<>

But that's only possible if the child spends more than 16 hours a day/5 days a week with the DCP *or* more than 12 hours a day/7 days a week with a DCP.

And that just doesn't happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:47am

I don't raise my child the way I do for fear of something bad happening. It is, however, one of the many reasons I have for parenting the way I do.


You just said you don't raise your child for fear of something bad happening and then the second sentence says you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:54am
Well, where we live it's not too expensive, but my DH travels for work anyway. We have six kids and our oldest DD, (who by the way is 16 but thats a whole other can of worms) is having a baby in Dec. so there will be 7 kids in our household. Anyway, we don't buy new cars, we buy cars we can afford to pay cash for and they aren't junkers. Our home is not new nor expensive, but it's big enough for us. We also have a horse and three goats and will have at least two hogs that my kids show. We don't buy name brand clothes for the kiddo's and they usually get new ones twice a year, when school starts and Christmas. I buy groceries in bulk. My kids participate in every activity they want to participate in, including sports, livestock showing, horse club and church activities. I drive them everywhere, thank goodness my van gets good gas mileage. I don't buy school pictures, I dont buy lots of toys, we have an acre of land and a four wheeler which my husband traded work for and didnt have to buy. We do all of our own improvements and repairs on our home, believe me that saves ALOT of money. We do it because we believe this is whats best for OUR kids, and we make do. Our kids don't complain about what they don't have, because they haven't ever had it. They are happy and healthy and thats what counts, not how much material stuff they have. It can be done in this economy, sometimes you just have to go without the expensive stuff and things work out fine.

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