In today's economy, how can U stay home?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm |
I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.
However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.
So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.
Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.
HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

Pages
Ladies just a quick reminder that we need to make sure we are debating issues here and not the person. If we can't stick to debating topics and not the individuals and steer clear of personal attacks, we'll need to close the thread to let everyone cool off.
From our Rules of Play:
Agree to Disagree, Respectfully: We invite and encourage a healthy exchange of opinions; disagreements are okay. If you disagree with a member's post or opinion, by all means, challenge the opinion. However, any challenge must be given with a sense of respect and caring for the other person. The real objective of community is to understand each other, not to attack others and convince them that you're right. Name calling, insults, "flaming" and attacks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree respectfully.
Don't Attack Each Other: Because this is so important, we'll say it again: Don't attack others. Personal attacks on others will not be tolerated. Challenge others' points of view and opinions, but do so respectfully and thoughtfully ... without insult and personal attack.
Harassing, offensive, vulgar, abusive, hateful or bashing communications -- especially those aimed at sexual orientation, gender, race, color, religious views, national origin, or disability -- will not be permitted. Before you post a message that is intended to embarrass, humiliate or harass another person or group of people, stop and THINK first! Harassing communications are considered to be those that may cause distress, embarrassment, unwanted attention or other discomfort.
thanks momofmany for the great tips! (i am continuing to answer only postings to me that actually address my original post question, rather than waste any more time on the others...)
your perspective encourages me somewhat... we are ALREADY rather frugal folk, though, and where we CURRENTLY live, that just isn't helpful enough to make it possible for us here. we do have used, paid-for cars; don't spend any $ on our commutes as our jobs reimburse us; get lunch provided at work; don't even really KNOW what the "in" brand items would be as we are not fashionable or even itnerested in spending on such silly things; have a modest home that we maintain (don't pay anyone else to do so), etc. But STILL, in California, we are just making ends meet. And "making ends meet" REQUIRES us to both continue this commute for our higher salaries, and hence not have time to be home for any children.
HOWEVER, the good news is that we have decided that this isn't the life we want. We are going to Idaho this weekend to look at property. We plan to sell our home this winter or spring and move out of state, to a state where the cost of living doesn't mean sacrificing all of our time and sending our children to someone else to take care of them Mon-Fri.
The tips you've just given will help us out at that point, when we've moved on and begun our family! Thanks!
Is your child 14 months old?
Then it's understandable that you don't know.
I, however, have a baby who is barely into the toddler stage and, if left alone, can and does get into quite a bit of trouble.
To each their own. I can't imagine why you'd need to know everything about your childs day, but because of my child's age, I do need to know what he's doing so I know he isn't pulling a cat's tail, jerking a dog's ear, or climbing up a bookshelf.
Taking preventative measures isn't "raising my child for fear of something bad happening." I raise my child to prepare him life. I hold his hand when we cross the street so he doesn't get run over. OH NO! I'm screwing him up so bad by not pushing him off the boat into the pond at 14 months.
I have also heard that even high quality day care can have negative effects, as I've stated repeatedly.
I'm not blasting WOHMs. I'm blasting society's treatment of children. I'm blasting children being put in daycare many hours a day many days a week, when they are too young for kindergarten (which is usually only half a day for a reason). Not all WOHMs do that. I've never said you have to be with your child constantly, just that I think there is a such thing as too much daycare. My child is supervised constantly because he's 14 months old; I doubt that will continue when he's older.
Pages