In today's economy, how can U stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
In today's economy, how can U stay home?
1500
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:46pm


I am 33 and am basically now sadly coming to the conclusion that we just can't have kids. I just don't know how people do it. In order to afford our mortgage, my husband and I both have to work full-time. And we bought a home in the least expensive market we could find in proximity to our jobs, so we commute up to four hours a day to make this work.

However, we both agreed, long long ago that we would only have kids if we could raise them ourselves. We just can't in good conscience reconcile the idea of having children and then handing them off to some stranger who is making close to minimum wages to rear them, and who can't possibly care about them as much as we do. And what would be the point? We would miss all their development and "firsts" and wouldn't be a close family, and they would grow up with attachment issues due to rapidly changing daycare staffing. No, if we can't do it the right way, we don't want to do it at all. We feel it's selfish to have them because WE WANT them; we decided long ago only to have them if we felt we could give them a wonderful life filled with love, hope, and opportunity.

So I am getting up there in age now, and I don't see things changing. The only people I see around me having children are people who 1) have family who live close by and can take care of their kids, 2) rich people, or women who marry rich men to be more specific, and 3) people whose families help them out financially.

Is there a chance for two people like us to have a family, when we don't have any of the above advantages? It doesn't seem like it should be THIS impossible! We're both hard workers who make decent money TOGETHER. Separately, it's not enough, but together, it's a good amount.

HOW could we make it happen? I have heard that having children after 34 the risks just go up and up and up, that they may not be healthy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 2:56pm


Can you explain this a little more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:00pm

Frugal Tips...

1. Shop for the best bargain. (I'm sure you already do this!)
2. Use cloth diapers. (If you want help getting started, ask me)
3. Breastfeed exclusively for six months, then as long thereafter as you desire as breastmilk does NOT expire. (If you run into problems, I'm your girl, yet again)
4. Shop thrift for things like clothing.
5. It won't kill children to share a bedroom.
6. Just co-sleep, if you can't afford a crib/bassinet right away. (Once again, I can answer questions about this, too.)
7. Remember kids don't need high-tech toys. Even a wooden spoon will entertain for hours.

If you do breastfeed, remember there are other benefits not just for the child but you, too, and your husband's wallet. I'm not going to push you towards it, but I just want to let you know that if you want information about it, you can ask me. We've been nursing for 14 months and are still going strong. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:02pm
Which part?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:07pm


Sorry I only meant to copy the first part of the quote.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:11pm
This is in no way a slam or anything so please dont take it that way. Please ensure that if you are talking to people about co-sleeping you remind them that there are dangers to it. My sisters classmate just rolled ontop of his 4 day old infant while co-sleeping and killed her. While I co-sleep and have with all of my infants till the stopped breastfeeding at night, it has to be done safely and people have to understand the dangers as with anything that are involved.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:31pm
I know. That's why I told her if she wants more information she can ask. I didn't want to give a group seminar on co-sleeping, lol. There are lots of ways of making co-sleeping safe, from using a bedside bassinet to a co-sleeping attachment or simply keeping the child away from anyone that is a heavy sleeper or who tosses & turns. You're absolutely right. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:34pm
I don't see how I need to explain that. I have beliefs about how much daycare is too much, when a child is ready, etc. That doesn't mean I think SAHP is always best, that I want to mock working moms, or that I think working status is the sole/main factor in child development. I just think, if you're going to use daycare, you need to work out your schedules and situation so that your child is ready for the amount of time he or she will be spending in daycare. If you think they are ready, then go for it. Every child is different. While I may think in generally a one year-old isn't ready to be seperated 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, or something similar (maybe a few hours, one day a week), that doesn't mean that it's true for everyone one year-old out there. Do what's best for your family. Forget the generalities. Believing there are generalities doesn't mean I think they apply to every situation or that I think one choice is always better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:35pm

thanks, punkalicorn. great tips! LOL, love the one about the wooden spoon. it's so often true, from what I've seen, that children end up more interested in non-toys than in the toys that their parents, etc. have bought for them! and toys are so expensive! my neices LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the BOXES their toys come in. they could care less for the toys themselves. Gotta love the imaginations of little'uns.

and I agree with the sharing rooms, too. i had a LOT of brothers and sisters growing up, and our memories of sharing rooms are FABULOUS. We laugh for hours, STILL...

my mom bottle/formula-fed us, which is probably what i'll do. who knows, though... the thing I really like about the bottle-feeding is that it allows the whole family to take part in the feeding and caring. my siblings and i always enjoyed being able to feed our new little sis/bro... and i would even say it was a very bonding thing between siblings as well as for mother/child. but who knows... breastfeeding IS less expensive, and that's sort of the point, here, isn't it?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:35pm

You're right, I'm sorry,

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:42pm

Corbin is always more interested in wrapping paper than presents, lol.

I don't mean to judge your decision, but I do want to caution you. Nipple confusion is very real, and while it doesn't affect every child, it can interfere with breastfeeding. Supplementing can also decrease your breastmilk supply, though there are medications that can help with this. Most women do not need to supplement, especially if they are staying at home. However, since you want your husband to be able to feed the child...

I would suggest breastfeeding whenever possible, but using pumped milk in bottles. You can get a cheap pump at Walmart. You shouldn't need an expensive one if you are staying at home. Mine was only $35 and has been a real trooper these past 14 months! It will be far less expensive to ONLY breastfeed. The next step up on the ladder of frugality would be bottles + expressed milk. A step higher is supplementing with formula, followed by formula only...and last, if you end up having to feed soy formula!

Another caution about formula... it can cause a child to develope allergies to dairy products. There have been many formula recalls. Formula does not have the antibodies that breastmilk has, nor is it as easily-digestible no matter what the companies claim. It is not always dangerous. There are many formula fed children who will grow up just fine! However, there are risks. There are deaths every year associated with formula-feeding. I would use formula only as a last resort because of this.

It is your choice, and I will certainly not judge you for what you decide. Do what is best for you. If you want more information I know of a lot of forums, support sites, and informational webpages that I can show you to help out.

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