Today's Mom a Doormat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Today's Mom a Doormat?
606
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:45pm

This was an article in my local paper. I linked it from John Rosemond's website.


I usually don't agree with him but I thought he made some good points until he got to part 2. The part about serving your husband gave me the heebie-jeebies.


I was thinking about some of this last night when I was cleaning up after my children again. Why don't I make Zak fold clothes and sweep? Why do I let myself get so frustrated when I can make him help out?


Also, and I might get flamed, but I do think some fear of your parents is good. The little boy across the street stole again and was confined to his room. Obviously, the confinement to your room approach is not working. If I had ever stolen from my parents, the results would have been drastic. Confinement to my room would have been the least of my worries.


I want my children to respect me and to fear my reactions to their misbehavior.


edited to put the link in because I am an idiot! (uneducated, you know and not intelluctually stimulating)


http://www.rosemond.com/action.lasso?-response=/1editorialbody.lasso&-token.folder=2004-07-13&-token.story=34987.111111&-token.quiz=doormats&-token.pagelink=&-token.thread=49.111111&-nothing



"When death like a gypsy comes

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:26pm

and for some things dh and I do follow the same rules.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:28pm

Man!! What kind of gum did she steal to have to do 5 days of EXTRA chores to repay for it?...LOL


Altoid Gum ($2.09 a pack-comes in a tin can)?

Tonya
Tonya
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:30pm
Understood.
Tonya
Tonya
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Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:31pm
I've tried that on DH. Didn't work (sigh) :(

Mondo

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:35pm

It cost 1.25.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:39pm
I am all for teaching all the skills you mention. Where we disagree is on the method of that teaching. I do not tie allowance to chores. At almost 5 and 6 years, my children get an allowance - based on doing nothing. It is their spending money - given simply because they exist. They get $5/week. I started this when the oldest was 4, youngest 3. Of course they did not know the value of money or purchases, but they do now. They must learn to delay gratification because their allowance is all they get for *treats*, be it toys or ice cream. My son is saving for a yugioh toy he wants that costs $30. He and I sat down and did the math so he knows exactly how much he needs to save from each allowance to reach his goal of buying the toy by the date he has chosen. He has been saving $3 from each allowance and will be making his purchase this weekend. His little friend wanted the same toy and got it. My son has felt that this is not fair and I have explained to him how proud he will be when he gets his toy because of the effort HE put in to get it. He can also earn extra money by doing extra chores. I have a jar with pieces of paper identifying jobs and what I will pay for their completion. It is completely choice. Not only is he learning delayed gratification, but he is learning math skills, reading skills, money management, and most importantly IMO, self gratification. It is when the child's reward is internal that really counts. (IMO)
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:41pm
<> And I don't think one person here has stated they use "because I said so" all the time. My interpretation of the posts are that some people will use the "because I said so" line *sometimes* when they've already explained to a child the "why" multiple times before. The impression I got from your posts is that it shouldn't be used at all, but you said that it's fine occassionally. I believe that's what most people here are saying as well (although I could be wrong because I haven't read *every* post in this thread).
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:52pm
Didn't say anyone here uses the old "because I said so" ALL the time. *I* won't use it, but am conceding that it is not harmful if used sparingly. I personally believe that children can and should be provided explanations that they can understand. I do agree that I said so is used when parent is frustrated with being questioned. I think that if that is a frequent occurance, it is damaging, but I also think that if a parent uses that frequently, that the parent is a frustrated parent who needs some help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:04pm
But I've never said otherwise. What I AM saying is that explaining often HELPS simply because it means the child KNOWS WHY he's being asked to do something.

I guarantee you, that if you, almostfreeof3 or anyone else had tried to raise John according Rosemond's methods, you'd have one of the most defiant, argumentative, least cooperative children you've ever seen. Why? Because if John sees no good purpose to doing something, he flat out WILL NOT DO IT.

It's rather ludicrous to sit there and tell me how "easy" John is, right after numerous people have told me that my explanations are too hard, too complex or too time consuming to be worth the effort. Look, either raising John was easy-peasy and any brain dead moron could have done the same just as well or it wasn't, but it CAN'T be both. If giving explanations is hard, complex and time consuming, then raising him wasn't a matter of "being lucky" with "an easy kid."

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:12pm
I agree with your post. I'll try hard to avoid using "because I said so." My DS2 questions me constantly about things I ask him to do, or repeatedly makes the same request over and over again. I'll often say, "I've already given you my answer" or "I've already explained that twice," or I'll ignore him. When he persists, I might resort to "Because I said so!" because he is *quite persistent* when he wants something and it *is* frustrating.

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