Today's Mom a Doormat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Today's Mom a Doormat?
606
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:45pm

This was an article in my local paper. I linked it from John Rosemond's website.


I usually don't agree with him but I thought he made some good points until he got to part 2. The part about serving your husband gave me the heebie-jeebies.


I was thinking about some of this last night when I was cleaning up after my children again. Why don't I make Zak fold clothes and sweep? Why do I let myself get so frustrated when I can make him help out?


Also, and I might get flamed, but I do think some fear of your parents is good. The little boy across the street stole again and was confined to his room. Obviously, the confinement to your room approach is not working. If I had ever stolen from my parents, the results would have been drastic. Confinement to my room would have been the least of my worries.


I want my children to respect me and to fear my reactions to their misbehavior.


edited to put the link in because I am an idiot! (uneducated, you know and not intelluctually stimulating)


http://www.rosemond.com/action.lasso?-response=/1editorialbody.lasso&-token.folder=2004-07-13&-token.story=34987.111111&-token.quiz=doormats&-token.pagelink=&-token.thread=49.111111&-nothing



"When death like a gypsy comes

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:52pm
Its a perfectly good reason.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:52pm
Gosh, I must have missed the post that said it *was*. Who said that?

(this is H&I, btw)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:57pm
Gosh, probably where IIMA said "I don't think you can negate parental influence on personality development." and *implied* that some people were.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:32pm

Because you don't know that's the reason they're still asking the question. Sometimes, kids just want to have a conversation. Sometimes, they're just checking for consistency. Sometimes, they honestly don't remember.


Even assuming your children are hoping you slip up and say "you know, you're right - there really isn't any reason at all you should wear your seat belt/clean your room/go to bed/eat your broccoli", there are about a zillion better responses than "because I said so". How about "you tell me?" or "What is the rule?" or "Why do you think?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:41pm

But he doesn't have to clean his room because he's a minor. It's a dishonest response. The honest answer is whatever reason mom has for not wanting son's room to be messy, whether it's a health concern, the desire to instill good housekeeping habits, or the simple fact that messy rooms make her nervous/depressed/grumpy/whatever.


Lots of minors don't have to keep their rooms clean. If that's the best mom can come up with, then I guess it's a good thing she has a "don't explain" policy.


I don't believe in arbitrary rules. I think parents come up with rules all the time without really thinking, and that's why they don't like having to explain themselves. Because they can't.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:43pm

<>


I don't see it. Can you provide an example?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:50pm
<<>>

I don't see these as arbitrary at all. Hygiene is a health issue, taking out trash is a health issue, eating veggies are a health issue - although I don't force my kids to eat what they don't like either. Force feeding veggies does not encourage a love of veggies IMO. I will actually allow them to have dessert before their veggies too. I don't have a thing about the order in which they consume their meal. Now, if they ate their dessert and not their meal, it may be a different story, but we've not had problems with that.



<<>>

No, I don't. She doesn't ask why - she already knows why - because it is bedtime. She will have to go pee, need a drink, need extra time to brush her teeth etc. She is beginning to realize that bedtime is at 8:00 and because it takes her a longer time to get ready for bed, she has to start earlier than her brother - who learned not to use those tactics when he realized that he was still in bed at the same time.

<<>>

I do too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:53pm

See and I dont think that parents should have to always explain themselves.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:55pm
*I* don't know you or John at all, but I am quite certain that your parenting style has a good deal to do with how difficult or easy he was. I have parented some very disturbed children - most certainly not easy - but learned to manage their behaviours. Over my years and experience in dealing with children, both normal and disturbed, respect goes a long long way. I have witnessed, in my home and in the home of other experienced foster parents and parented group homes, children who were totally out of control, settle in a fairly short period of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:56pm
Exactly!

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