Top 3 Excuses I Can't Stand from WOHMs..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Top 3 Excuses I Can't Stand from WOHMs..
1516
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:39pm


1. We NEED two incomes to survive... Yeah Right! I honestly believe that out of the people that say this 90% would be just fine if they would cut their lifestyle, move to a cheaper area and sacrifice. I am not buying it one bit when people say this.

2. I put my kid in Daycare for the socialization.. Good grief, how much socialization does a 10 month old need?? Besides there are better ways to much socialize young children.

3. I am a better mom if I work outside the home.. UGHH! How in the world do you think you are a better mom by handing your kid off to Grandma or someone else to raise while you go work?? Unless you are going to beat them or verbally abuse them, I always think at home with mom is where kids thrive the most..

THere are others I can't stand, but these are my top 3. Have at it..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:57pm
What is private and what is public are cultural issues. Since the 13 year old in question here functions at almost a neonate level, she obviously has no issues with having her diaper changed in front of other people. It then becomes and issue of other people's reactions. To me, any place I would feel comfortable changing an infant's diaper is appropriate to change the special needs child's diaper.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:31pm

I totally understand. I'm not knocking the covers, I just don't think every homeowner with a pool needs to have one if they have a good fence/gate situation in place already.

My parents have it easy in their yard because the house sits on a little over an acre. They have a fenced in "pool area" with concrete, decorative rocks, a gazebo, etc. on one corner of the property, but have plenty of room to have just a plain old yard on the rest of the property. If the pool takes up a substantial portion of one's yard, I can see how a fence around just the pool might not be practical and a cover might be a great alternative.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:57pm

As I said, I don't think it's a matter of the 3yo emulating these behaviors, so no, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. It's probably my fault for not being clearer.

To me, it's a matter of what is and isn't appropriate for a 3yo to see. I wonder if her mom would be okay with it if the person being changed were much older - let's say a 20- or 30yo. What if the person being changed were a male? I'm wondering if her mom would see any limits to this; I think I probably would.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:01pm
The 13yo's awareness level is only part of the picture. Even coma patients are provided standards of care that allow for a certain level of modesty. But beyond that, I'd be a bit concerned for the 3yo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:06pm
What if it were *your* 3yo? Would there be any limits for you? What if Alyssa were a 20yo or a 30yo? Lastly, do you really think a person's level of functioning should determine whether we think of them as a child or adult, or call them a child or adult? IOW, is there any time in particular when you plan to call her just "Alyssa"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:16pm

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the age of the special needs child wouldn't matter. As it is, if we have her until she's in her 20's it will be a miracle.

I do think that if she was a boy (with all girl cousins), that I would have given extra thought about where to change him.

However, the FACT is that my ds is the ONLY boy on all three sides of the families. The rest of the nieces are all girls. Again, no cause for any concern on our part.

CArole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:20pm

well, she's not in a coma and she belongs to a very warm, loving, caring family. The goal at the time is to get her out of a wet diaper. No more. No less. NONE of us see any issue with this at all. Her 3-year old cousin seeing her "fur" is no different than that same child seeing her mother's "extra skin" (boobs).... Again, NONE of us have any issues with it at all.

in fact, if I were at someone's house that I didn't know very well (quite far-fetched as she doesn't do well in "new/strange" places), I would ask the host or hostess where i could change her in privacy. However, I would do this for THEIR comfort level with seeing a child that age be changed.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:25pm
But, as I asked before, what if it were not a special needs child but an adult?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:27pm

wow. lots and lots more questions.....<> Nope, wouldn't care in the least. In fact, she has two bio siblings who have grown up watching her be changed, and one step sibling who has witnessed it numerous times over the last 2.5 years.

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I would probably treat it differently if she was a boy with all girl siblings and cousins. However, that's not the case.

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I will thank G-d every day for her and no, that wouldn't make much of a difference. It may be that she gets TOO BIG to easily maneuver anywhere but in our own house. As it is, we like changing her best in our own home as her bed is a hospital bed raised up to waist high level (much easier on the adults' backs!).

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i don't know how to explain this in any way that you would understand. Alyssa is 13 and in judaism (our religion) she is considered an "adult". Do i consider her an "adult"? no, not really. She can't function as an adult in any way that matters. She needs complete and total care, thus relegating her to a "child's" role.

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As the little cousins get older they easily transfer from calling her "baby alyssa" to just "alyssa". At home and with family and friends she's referred to as just Alyssa.

I hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:29pm

Yes, it's the fact that she's not in a coma and a member of a loving family that makes me wonder.

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But why should there be any issue wrt THEIR comfort level if there's none with your 3yo niece's comfort level, or her mom's comfort level with having her dd present?

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