Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 10:09pm

I don't think your situation is very different than most couples' situations.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:10am
Was that the infamous book? I remember an old thread discussing a book STBXDH tried to get you to read and this "GAG" makes me think this was it. The title alone is pretty off-putting. Even if there was never any mention of it here, I would leave it alone if I saw it in a bokkstore because of the title. It puts the "husband" in "animal husbandry".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:19am
I am intriqued. I have to see this book now. It's the epitome of being drawn to a train wreck, I suppose. Imo, men don't need any encouragement in the acting like animals(especially pigs) department. Can you tell I'm having a don't like my dh today day?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:22am
Yup. It was the straw that broke the camels back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:27am
So do many other "relationship gurus" and marriage therapists. It's not a radical concept. It's called not using sex as a weapon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:33am
Nope. STBXDH has also likely taken off more time than your dh for kid stuff. Because we weren't the sole providers, we could afford to push issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:36am
Who said anything about using it as a weapon? I said if I'm not in the mood, I'm not in the mood. If I don't want to, I don't want to. Period.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:49am

Nah, there's always more to it than that. The question is, why aren't you in the mood?


The idea that a couple can only have sex if both partners are chomping at the bit is a selfish one. Sometimes, sex is a gift you give your partner, no different than going to that company function you'd rather skip.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:51am
I agree, both partners do not have to initially be in the mood for sex to happen. Dr. Joyce Brothers (I am really aging myself here) used to say the same thing. As long as it goes both ways and the person feels able to say no when it is not just a case of not being in the mood, but I don't want to be touched right now I don't see an issue. (TMI here) I am very cyclical, periods of not being in the mood followed by periods of always being in the mood, DH on the other hand follows more of a pattern, in the mood every X days. If we only had sex when we both were initially were in the mood we would miss out on a whole lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:04am

I agree with you ... IF it goes both ways.


In other words, if Spouse A is willing to say at times

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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