Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:06am
Because sometimes, you're just not in the mood. I don't need a reason. If I don't want to have sex, I don't want to have sex. Period.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:23am
I'm sure
Virgo
 
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:23am

LOL - you're repeating yourself. Unfortunately, just saying something over and over doesn't make it correct.


Yes, I heard you and understood you the first time. I still think you're wrong, and so do most relationship experts. That you repeatedly refuse to take any responsibility for actually maintaining a relationship isn't any surprise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:34am
Talking to yourself? Reading more into what is there is not a valid debate tactic.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:27am
No it doesn't. All she says is, "Hey gals, can you take off the flannel pjs and socks once in a while and put on something sexy?" Or, "Instead of bitching about your DH, show him some appreciation instead."

It does work, GK. This morning I used my crock pot my DH bought me two years ago for the first time. I have a pot roast cooking while I'm at work. My DH has called me TWICE to thank me for using the gift he gave me (which I didn't want in the first place) and to tell me how much he is looking forward to dinner.

I can't wait to get home.

Is it a sin to keep your DH happy? All she is saying is that it's pretty easy. And it doesn't require you becoming a door mat or sperm receptical. Heck, my DH is *thrilled* when I sit and watch the Red Sox with him and make like I'm really interested. Is that so hard?

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:43am

OTBM, you are oh so right.

Mondo

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:02pm
I agree with you. I wasn't really commenting on GK's situation. Just my two cents about the book. If you're a feminist, it does make you feel squeamish. It did me. That is why I originally said you have to get around her BS. All she is really saying is appreciate your DH and he will appreciate you. Of course, if you DH doesn't care, then all bets are off. But I am rather pleased about my pot roast. Who knew???? :-) Flylady would be so proud of me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:07pm

:(
I did one of the Flylady pot roast recipe (w/onion soup) and DH wouldn't go near it (too much fat).

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:46pm
Most women, and you may be an exception...but most women...by the time they read that book have spent years or decades in aim to please mode, and have quite rightfully moved on from that. It truly is men who need to come to terms with the idea that in a relationship they can occassionally go the extra mile to make the other person happy...even if it means doing things they'd rather not. Men truly can reach old age never having BTDT. Most women don't make it past age 16 before they can rightfully claim experience BTDT. The underlying premise "Hey girls...heres a new idea idea for you all...try to please your hubby for once even if you have to do things you'd rather not...life will be good!" is flawed at a very basic level. Its fairly safe to assume that most women have BTDT and have moved on, after having discovered that trying to experience happiness and enjoyment primarily vicariously through others - is no way to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:15pm

Again, what is the big deal whether you and your spouse took off more time than my dh?

Pages