Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

Pages

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:30pm
I'm not using Flylady's receipe. I'm using one from the book, "One pot meals." Cover the roast in salt and pepper, brown it with onions and garlic, add some red wine and beef stock, reduce, place into crock pot. Go to work!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:46pm
I believe this is a two way street. Not one way like Laura S. says it should be. If you're repeatedly getting told no when you're in the mood, it's probably time to figure out why that is happening. I'll give you an example. One thing STBXDH and I have fought about REPEATEDLY is him smoking around me and the kids. I started asking him to take it outside the day I found out I was pg. According to Laura S. I'm supposed to give him sex in spite of the fact his total disregard for the kids and my health is a total turn off. Nope. Not on your life. It's not an issue of using sex as a weapon, as TM seem to think but rather your partner showing so little regard for you that you don't want anything to do with sex. If I'm tired, all WM's are, and too busy being angry because of your total disregard for me and your kids why would I be expected to put out as Laura S says I should???? Trust me, there wasn't much of an off chance I'd end up enjoying myself. Not even close.

It took filing for divorce to get him to FINALLY start smoking outside all the time and I'm sure that is just a ruse so he can show the judge what a great father he is (or, avoid me nailing him for subjecting his kids to second hand smoke). I'm sorry but if I don't feel like having sex with a person who repeatedly disregards my health, I don't feel like having sex with them. Period. There ain't no going along with it because Laura S. says I should. IMO, she is wrong. No one should be told they should be giving their spouse sex just because their spouse wants it. Sex should be mutual, not one way.

STBX still tries. I guess I should put out according to Laura S. Nope. Not going to happen. He's a day late and a dollar short here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:49pm
The point you are missing is that we are BOTH in better position to negoatiate with our employers because neither of us is in this alone. Our employers can't back us into a corner without risking us leaving. NEITHER of our employers. STBX's employer was not happy about his WAH arrangements but knew he could lose him if he didn't agree when dd#1 was born. There's no way he could have negotiated that if I had SAH. Employers see a need to accomodate dual working couples both because they are percieved to have time constraints and because they know we can more easily move on to greener pastures if things aren't to our liking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:51pm
AMEN!!!! BTDT and now I've given up. Unfortunately, STBX waited until the papers were filed to decide that maybe he needed to change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:54pm

Grimal, I think we *all* agree that SERIOUS ONGOING

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:03pm

I am not missing your point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:25pm
Upon what do you base your disagreement? I see what employers expect every single day. They know who they can and who they can't push. The more dependent your family on your job, the more they can push you because you can't afford to take chances.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:51pm

Simply reading what you've written, here and in previous posts.


The "if I don't feel like it, it's not going to happen" stance is a manifestation of a selfish approach to the relationship. Period. And Dr. Laura isn't alone in pointing that out.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:57pm

Funny you should use that example, because I had the exact same issue in my first marriage. And so I'm pretty confident in telling you that you are reading WAY too much into the smoking thing. You are only looking at the situation from your point of view.


And yes, you were using sex as a weapon. Simply equating sex with his smoking behavior does that. It's "I'm not going to have sex with you unless you behave in the way I want you to." You can justify it any way that makes you feel better, but that's exactly what you're doing.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:00pm

Ah, the "Women are Martyrs, Men are Clods" approach.


Sorry, I have a higher opinion of men (and women) than that.


TM - wondering how you know what "most women" who read the book have already done.

Pages