Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:02pm
Nope. Still reading into what I said. No one should be expected to have sex if they don't want to. It is MY body you know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:06pm
Even if your point is so - who among us has ever had the impression that either OTBM or CLW are "most women"? (For very different reasons!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:54pm
Nah. Most women don't want sex with men who are irritating and annoying them, and being generally inconsiderate and selfish. Eww. Ick. Ugh. No thank you. This is life. Its not about a woman using sex as a weapon against the man. Its simply a case of a woman deciding she's not going to use sex as a weapon against herself. Having sex with a man who has gone about making himself repulsive is just plain icky. And a great way to get that "used" feeling. Of course, you may be different. But while most men will find sex with a good looking garden hose enjoyable, most women will not. It takes a good mental mindest for a woman to enjoy sex, especially when its the btdt same old same old variety. Too bad for men...but expecting women to cough it up on the man's terms, no strings attached, is a fairly icky form of male chauvenism. That can die any time now...its had its day. I, personally have gone down the grin-and-bear-it road. I've tried to make my mind work like a mans its-the-sex-not-the-person-that-matters. Its really a disgusting thing to have to do. I would not ask a man to do such a thing. I no longer ask it of myself. In Grimals case, I'd say the husband provided her with enough suffering by refusing to address the smoking issue. He used up his cards. None left for him to make her suffer more by giving it to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:09pm
STBX never did figure out that sex starts long before you walk into the bedroom. You can't spend all day turning someone off and expect them to be turned on when the lights go off. Ick is right.

It's not an issue of using sex as a weapon at all. It's an issue of being turned off. No, I am not going go force myself to go through the motions. That would be disgusting.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:12pm

Disagreeing with yo u is not "reading into" what you've said. Sheesh.


Yes, I know it's your body. That doesn't make your POV less selfish or more condusive to a healthy relationship. And saying it's smart and giving to have sex when you don't feel like it isn't "expecting" you to do it any more than actually getting off your behind and doing something just because it pleases your spouse makes you a doormat.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:14pm

Once again, the "men are clods" argument.


Sorry, that's just

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 5:13pm
I'm basing my disagreement on my own experience and my dh's experience in the workforce.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 6:23pm
If I live vicariously though anyone, it's my dog. What a life.

BTW, the pot roast was *excellent.* If that is all it takes to keep DH happy, then I'll cook like that every day. :-)

Yum.

outside_the_box_mom

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 6:24pm
So how did you have kids? They surely aren't the result of a virgin birth.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 6:27pm
So then why did she marry him? Isn't just as manipulative to use his habit -- that she knew about before marriage -- against him to deny him sex?

I used to date a smoker. Mouthwash works wonders.

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