Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:47pm
Gee I'm basing mine on what I read from those who study such things and MY experience not second hand knowledge gained from my dh, lol. Although, dh agrees with my assessment of what I see. Employers view you differently based on how much they percieve you to need their job and people respond to demands differently based on how much they percieve themselves to need their jobs. My boss knows we'd be able to weather it if I lost my job until I found another one so he's more open to my demands.


Edited 9/28/2004 8:24 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:54pm
Things were different back then. For one, he wasn't smoking around my kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:56pm
Um, no. He didn't start smoking around our babies until they were born and I didn't start asking him to take it outside until I got pg with dd#1. I was silly enough to think he'd step outside rather than expose a baby.

When I got pg and asked him not to smoke around me he said he wouldn't smoke in the house after the baby was born. After she was born, he said he wouldn't smoke in the house once we moved. Once we moved, he told me I was a bitch for nagging him. If anyone but me asked him to not smoke around them, he would have obliged. He wasn't going to be told what to do in his own house. I asked for the same couresty he shows his coworkers and got told to go to hell. No, he wasn't doing that before we got married because I wasn't asking him not to smoke around me. I was a smoker myself. I quit when we first started discussing having kids and, heaven forbid, expected him not to smoke around them.


Edited 9/28/2004 8:01 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:57pm
I'm living vicariously through my cat. What a life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:01pm

So you knew he was a smoker. . .and it's not the smoking, in and of itself, that turns you off. . .just that he doesn't smoke outside like you want him to.


That sounds using sex as a commodity, if not a weapon.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:10pm
So smoking only became an issue when you decided it was one. Did he smoke around his older DSs? if so then why did you think it would be any different with his younger children. Did you smoke around his DS's?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:11pm
Nope. Smoking around the kids when your spouse has asked you not to is gross disrespect. It's hard to get turned on by someone who shows that kind of disdain for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:17pm
Because he said it would be and I was stupid enough to believe him. The original plan was for both of us to quit smoking before we had kids. I quit, he didn't.

A lot of research came out between his first set of kids and ours. By the time our girls were born, we knew how harmful smoking around kids is. That's why I quit before I even thought about getting pg. Yes, I had reason to think it would be different. For one, no one was asking him not to smoke in the house when the boys were young. As their step mother, I didn't feel it my place to tell him what he could do around his kids and, honestly, I dind't appreciate the dangers of second hand smoke back then.


Edited 9/28/2004 8:19 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:21pm
LOL, it does when you're disagreeing about MY LIFE!!!!! You're not in position to do so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:34pm
Then why not seek counselling to remedy the 'gross disrespect' or end the marriage years ago. . .why use passive-aggressive tactics like withholding affection to try and get what you want. . .or why stay married to someone you feel 'grossly disrespects' you?

Virgo

Virgo
 

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