Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:44pm
Because, as I've said repeatedly, that isn't what I was doing. You don't seem to want to get that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:59pm

You didn't stay married to someone who you felt grossly disrespects you. . .someone who you felt SO disrespects you that you were totally disinterested in

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:03pm
Being turned off by your SO's behavior and using sex as a weapon are two totally different things. As I said in another post, sex starts long before you turn out the bedroom lights. It's not an issue of withholding sex until he does what I want but rather simply not being interested in someone who has no respect for you. You don't seem to be able to get that.


Edited 9/28/2004 9:05 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:11pm

No. . .I get that. . .What I don't get is staying married to someone who you have no sexual interest in due to disrespect issues. . .and then being surprised and mad when he desires sex.


If I felt my dh disrespected me to the degree that I lost all sexual interest in him. . .and all love for him (not even enough love to seek counselling or to give of myself to him). . .then I couldn't remain married to him.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:25pm
Never said I was mad. Just said I didn't think I should have to to please him. Frankly, I'm at a loss for why he'd be interested in someone he, obviously, has so little respect for. Must be a guy thing. He's still interested. Seems to think a roll in the hay will fix everything.

Why stay married? Two kids. Until I reached the point I felt staying was worse for them than leaving, I wasn't going anywhere. When it became apparent that I'd have to debase myself and follow Dr. Laura's advice and have my kids watch that to stay married, I filed. I can live with someone who doesn't respect me but I'm not debasing myself to make him happy. If I did that, I'd set a piss poor example for my girls. As bad as divoce is, staying married to him is now worse. IMO, divorce is one of the worst things you can do to a child. My parents were divorced and I swore I'd never do that to my kids unless I truely believed that staying married was the worse evil. It now is.

I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself but I'm not about to become a subservient little wimpette ala Dr. Laura. For my girls to grow up with a father showing disregard for their mother is bad, divorce is worse. Mom bending over backwards to make said dad happy is far far worse. It was one thing when I could just say my peice and take care of myself. It's quite another now that he's declared that *I* am the one who needs to change to suit him. There is no way I'll set that example for my girls. As bad as divorce is, marriage is now worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:28pm
You said it! Right! Paige
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:34pm
Marriage to someone you don't love isn't a role I want to model for my children.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:07pm

Um, no. It makes no difference whether you're talking about your life or some hypothetical situation. But if you don't want anything about your personal life debated, then stop talking about it on a debate board.


Distance gives perspective. And nothing you have said in this debate or any other indicates my statements are off base.


(Edited to apologize for the hat)




Edited 9/28/2004 11:08 pm ET ET by cl-taylormomma
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:10pm
How much respect were you showing him? So far all we've heard is how you wanted what you wanted and to hell with him.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:14pm

<>


What about the mother showing disregard for their father?


Once again, you are abdicating your responsibility for your contribution to the situation. Doesn't sound like either of you were modeling anything a child should learn about relationships.

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