Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:46pm
Nope. I'm teaching them to stand up for themselves and their children in turn. I can't win here can I? First I'm an idiot for staying married to him, now I'm one for dumping his ass. Whatever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:48pm
And what about it leads you to believe I'm the one with the problem??? If you've read my history you know I've already put up with far more than most would trying to spare my kids going through a divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:50pm
Try again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:50pm
You're a riot. Aren't you one who tells me I'm an idiot for having stayed married to him?

In answer to your question, far more than he ever deserved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:52pm
LOL. Try reading some of your posts. It doesn't matter what I say. You'll tell me I'm the problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:56pm
Having lived through my parents divorce, I disagree. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. I have no problem with he and I living separate lives. I draw the line at being told to reform myself in the image he wants.

I'm not someone who needs someone else in my life. It's nice but I'm not going to put my kids through a divorce because I want to date. In fact, I have no intention of ever dating again. My kids don't need to compete with my love life. So what does it matter whether I stay or go here? I was willing to stick it out for the kids. Now I have to leave for the kids. The situation has changed from one where I felt my children were better off in a two parent household to one where I feel they are better off with us divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:01pm
I'm not going to put my kids through a divorce because I'm no longer attracted to their father. Divorce hurts kids. My children will be hurt by this but they're going to be hurt either way now. Either by me setting and example as a strong sefl sufficient woman who refuses to compromise herself for someone who doesn't care enough about his own kids to smoke outside or by me playing the subservient little wimpette he wants.

I don't get your posts. You question why I'm divorcing him yet think I should have long ago. Divorce was not an option until staying married would be worse on my kids than a divorce. This ceased to be about dh and I when the girls came into the picture. Whether or not I stay married has to do with what is best for them and it is now best I leave. Maybe I should have long ago but one thing I can say is I gave it my best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:02pm
You need to read the portions of the book STBX highlighted for me. Laura S. is a shock jock and nothing more. I'd sooner take advice from Howard Stern.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:03pm
I was giving an example of why a woman shouldn't be expected to give sex just because he dh wants it. IMO, I would have been debasing myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:05pm
No. There are children involved here. I have never said he's a lousy father. Having grown up with divorced parents, I'll put up with a lot to keep both parents under the same roof for my kids. However, I do have my limits and we crossed them.

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