Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:07pm
Best wishes to you and your daughters. I can hear tell how hard this is for you and how much you love your children by reading your posts.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:11pm
Yes! Small children can divert your attention then as the children get older, you see things as they really are. Initially, I thought STBX was just having a really hard time quitting but now it's clear that he just doesn't give a damn about what I or the kids want or what is good for us. I think there is also denial. You don't want to believe the ship is sinking even as you bail faster and faster. Relationships get familiar. Just like you don't want to throw out a worn pair of jeans.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:12pm
For someone who claims to have read my history, you don't seem to know beans about it.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:31pm
Well I don't think ANYONE should have sex just because their spouse wants it. My comments are intended to make people understand that lack of sex in a marriage (regardless of whose fault it is) is usually a symptom, not a cause.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:34pm

And I speak from the experience of seeing what living in a loveless marriage did to my parents . . .and myself when they divorced (finally) when I was 19 and my brother was 15.


I truly wished they'd done it earlier. . .it's sad to see your parents waste precious years of their life being unnecessarily unhappy . . .years

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:37pm

I don't question why you're divorcing your husband. . what gave you that impression.

Virgo
 
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:40pm
Actually I do understand and sympathize with you. I agree that no matter how many details one posts on a bb it just isn't possible to post everything that is relevant. And unless you are close to the situation you just can't get a feeling for the daily lives of the people involved.

I have a good friend who is in a similar situation and she won't leave her dh (who is a complete a$$) although nearly all of our mutual friends think she should. He humiliates her in public (at football practices and games) and is disrespectful to nearly everyone he comes in contact with. But she was divorced from her first dh because he cheated onw. her and it was really hard on her dd (who is in college now). Her dd is very close with her current dh and she has another child (a boy who plays football with my ds). She just won't put her kids through another divorce so she stays.

I am not convinced it is the best thing for her or the kids but she does stay.

I disagree with particular points you sometimes make, but I do understand the position you are in and how difficult it is to make a decision, regardless of whether the decision is to stay or to leave.

Good luck with this difficult journey.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:45pm

I didn't say leave if you aren't happy. . .but I stand by the contention that *I* would leave if I had no LOVE for my husband.


In my marriage I've had times when I was MORE than unhappy. . .but I still loved my husband so I tried to work it out. . .and so far we've made it.


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:47pm
No. . .I know I've said you BOTH were wrong. . .which isn't what you want to hear.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:56pm
No. . .you're not an idiot for staying in a marriage IF you truly think differences can be worked out. . .but if you STAY in a marriage SO long as to allow your heart to be hardened to your spouse (and the other parent of your children), then your children will likely pay the price for that decision.
Virgo
 

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