Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:24pm

(just meandering as I wait for yet ANOTHER late night query...)
I have firmly stated my whole life I wouldn't deal with a loveless (or respectless!) marriage for ANY reason.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:41pm

I've had my boundaries tested. . .to the point that I once filed for legal separation from dh. . .but the documentation was withdrawn because I LOVED him enough to work WITH him on our marriage. . .key words there- mutual effort.


I've also watched my dh maintain connections with our kids despite vast geographic distances. . .I think it would be much more difficult to maintain those connections despite emotional distances that couldn't eventually be bridged in the long term.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:55pm
Even if he is the sole or primary earner?

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:59pm

Well, as stated already, I very much understand that such a thing can happen.


The flip side, and it's probably one you don't feel like sharing, is that there is no such thing as

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:04pm

As long as there is something to work with - I think that's the right way to go!! As you noted - emphasis on MUTUAL effort.

I have known maybe 2 couples in my life that remained married (due to religious convictions) tho they were no longer in love.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:26pm

God, we are so much alike it is scary. I served divorce papers on DH which he got the day that he found out his brain tumor had returned the second time. Not a stellar day. He and I decided to make another go at it. We did counseling-together, family and seperately and we fought for our marriage. It was the only way our marriage survived his cancer.


I am sure his mother cried when she found out I called off the divorce.


I also have BTDT with parents that needed to be divorced. My house was miserable growing up..silent and cold. I would not wish that amostsphere on another child. My mother actually told me she stayed with my father because of me. No guilt there..my mother is miserable and I am trapping her.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 1:50am
It was bound to happen. It's been a couple of weeks since CLW has hijacked a thread to be devoted solely for the purpose of making her the center of attention, and smoking is this week's MEOW (Marital Emergency Of the Week).

Isn't it interesting that in the previous two mega threads smoking never ONCE reared its head as an issue in the marriage?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:50am
Sure, thanks for the invitation. The smoking has never been a big deal (witness you having procreated with him AFTER you suffered such disrespect), but as you've finally figured out you're not going to be getting sympathy from a divorce court for anything you've got so far, the "he's endangering my kids!" angle deserves a test run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:06am
"While our marriage hasn't been romantic for a long time, it was kind of like a comfortable pair of old jeans." 13309.555.

Doesn't really sound like someone who was nobly suffering through her DH's gross disrespect for her over the last 9 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:17am
This post alone demonstrates the problem beautifully. "And what about it leads you to believe I'm the one with the problem???" Your total inability to see that as much as you claim your DH is the "one" with the problem, neither of you can be the "ONE" with the problem - you BOTH have a problem. (And not just that you have suffered so nobly for so long for the sake of your girls.) And your total incapacity to handle anyone who suggests that you just might have ANY responsibility here any other way than crying that you're the only one who really knows anything about your situation despite the hundreds and hundreds of posts you have made on the subject.

Pages