Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:39am
"ne thing I can say is I gave it my best." How is that, exactly? I know now you're saying you've been "fighting to keep things together by myself for 9 years" but see, that's a little hard to square with your statement in May that your marriage was like a "comfortable pair of old jeans" - what exactly were you "fighting" to keep together if you were "comfortable," and how?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 6:09am
Perhaps she meant familiar or routine more so than comfortable. Sometimes change is very hard even if it's for the better. Why do you seem so bent on rubbing her face in it? I don't get it at all.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 6:10am
Until you walk a mile in her shoes, what makes you think you are qualified to judge her?~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 7:07am
It may have been said and I missed it, did she actually say that she had NO love for her husband. She talked feeling disrespected for a long time etc but I don't remember her saying that she had NO love for him. If she felt only a smidgen of love for him then how is her situation much different from yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 7:17am
ITA, although I am very lucky in that it never has been an issue, it would take whole lot for me to end my marriage because of the effect it would have on my children. Since we were a military family divorcing could have meant not only living in different houses but different countries. My DH did not see his dad at all from the time he was 6 until he was 11, that is still a hurt for him 35 years later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:40am
No judging here. Exceedingly simple observation, based on hundreds of posts under this username and several others.

What makes you so sure that her DH is the entire problem?

Please refer to 14287.418 for an extremely apt description of this millionth iteration of her recurrent self-pity party.


Edited 9/30/2004 9:09 am ET ET by cocoapop

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:50am
"Sometimes change is very hard even if it's for the better." I wonder what you're talking about. Her divorce? Do you even know why she's divorcing?

Don't think you're doing her - or her daughters - any favors by encouraging her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:12am
If she has her mind set on divorcing her husband, there's not much that can be done. You don't know the whole situation, remember that. I also think that if two parents don't love each other they aren't doing the kids a favor by staying together.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:27am

Actually, we know a whole lot about the situation from her side. She has posted about it repeatedly but doesn't like to be called on it.


Search the archives.

"Hasty conclusions are the mark of a fool" Sign in front of a church


Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:37am
I don't have time. I do think though that what we hear on a meesage board may not be a clear picture. Some people may not be good at expressing the situation in a way that others can relate.Jmo,~Lisa

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