Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:36pm
A cheating spouse didn't turn you off?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:51pm
Yes and knowing how hard this will be on my kids makes it very difficult. However, we have crossed the line from tolerable to untolerable so it's time. I can deal with someone who doesn't consider me but I will not humiliate myself in front of my kids. It's one thing to stay together for the sake of the kids with someone who just fails to consider your wants and quite another to do so with someone who expects you to cater to his wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:52pm
Ah, so you know my situation so well as to say this is not what is best for my girls? Sorry dear, that's my call and IMO, it is now far better for my kids that I divorce their father.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:54pm
I didn't hijack it. I answered questions I was asked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:56pm
Let me think on this one awhile.

My husband and I are ok paying for all kinds of housekeeping, childcare, home maintenance, financial, automotive etc services. I'd never really considered....sex....in that light. I'm gonna go away...spend some time in deep thought...try and decide if I figure, since we both work, if my husband and I should hire out sex. I'll get back to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:56pm
Excuse me but the disrespect is with regard to his smoking around the kids and me. It is not the totality or our marriage. Just one symptom. Yes, there was a point where I deiced I'd rather stay than leave, however, that all changed a few months ago when he demanded I change to his liking. That was the straw that broke the camels back and resuled in my deciding it's time to throw out this old pair of jeans. Things can change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:57pm
Oh, she's clear, she's very clear. But you wouldn't know, you're too busy to find out what I'm talking about before you decide I'm being a meanie to poor CLW. That seems fair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:57pm
Try again dear. It's amazing how much you think you know about me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:58pm
Thank you. Only someone who knows the situation well would be in position to judge. She is not in such a position.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:05pm
Well said. I am fully aware that people fall in and out of love throughout their lives. Not loving someone or having them go through a spell when they're not considerate is not reason to divorce in my book. That's the for worse part in for better or for worse. We've been through ups and downs. Some fairly good times and some bad. However, nothing like recently.

After our dd's were born, everything changed. His attitude became that he was going to do what he wanted and to hell with what I thought. I came very close to divorcing him shortly after dd#2 was born but thought about it and realized that my girls lives would be worse if I did so I stayed. While there were aspects of the relationship that I could definitely live without, there is also the old worn pair of jeans aspect. You get used to even a bad relationship. Not that any relationship is better than none but I believe that two parents are better than one. I was willing to overlook some things for the sake of my kids. However, we are beyond that now. WAY beyond that.

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