Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:26pm
Because he said he would and I was silly enough to believe him.

No one was asking him to not smoke around the kids when the boys were little. They were just starting to figure out how bad second hand smoke was. Over the years, we learned that this is not something you should do. You live and learn and change your behavior accordingly. Given all the research that came out in the 16 years from the time we married until we had dd#1, I have every reason to think he'd change his behavior.

By your logic, we should sleep babies on their stomachs and not bother with car seats. After all, that's what dh and his first wife did when the boys were small. Lord knows, what was good enough for them is good enough for kids now. Why should I expect him to be any different with our girls than he was with his boys? BECAUSE OF WHAT WE'VE LEARNED!! That's why!!!

Usually, you make more sense than this.


Edited 9/30/2004 8:35 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:27pm

I'm sorry, but you're not hearing me. . .No, my husband hasn't treated me disprespectfully for years.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:32pm
You are correct. What you've heard are vents usually when I'm pissed off. You'd be hard pressed to piece my life together based on a few vents about dh not picking up a gallon of milk and wanting to smoke in his own home.

Sometimes it just takes time to realize how selfish someone is. I have come to the conclusion that that is the crux of most of our issues. He wants life his way. He doesn't want someone telling him he can't smoke in his own house but there's so much research out there saying it's bad to smoke around kids that it shoudln't be an issue. He's just too damned selfish to do what is right. It's kind of hard to work with someone who is that selfish.

I also think he never wanted the girls. I think he never wanted them and he's taking it out on me that we have them as if I made him do something he didn't want to. He should have just said from the beginning he didn't want kids. I think we both would have been happier if we'd found someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:33pm
If you're going to claim things about other posters, you should back up your claims.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:42pm
I'd say we're out of love now. Not that I don't care about him. You can't live together for 25 years and not care. There is simply no romantic attraction. There hasn't been for a while. It's really hard to be attracted to someone who refuses to show you basic courtesy. I'd probably keel over from a heart attack if he opened the door for me when my arms were full of groceries. Sometimes I get the impression he's making me pay for some crime I committed. I guess that would be being me since I was handed the instruction manual for how to remake myself in the image he wants, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:43pm

I think she was asking if your DH treated his former wife and his boys with the same disrespect that he has shown you. Usually, the best predication of future behavior is past behavior.

"Hasty conclusions are the mark of a fool" Sign in front of a church


Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:44pm

If he never wanted the kids, then why is he applying for sole custody? Revenge?


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:49pm
<> Are you a fan of Dr. Phil? Whodathunkit?;-)~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:54pm
No. I understand he worshipped the ground she walked on in spite of her cheating, lying and overall making a fool out of him. I have posted before that, at least, one of their three children is not his. A fact he chose to overlook rather than rock the boat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:54pm

Damnation..is that where I heard it from?


My Dr Phil rant of the week..I was watching earlier this week and they ran a advertisement for a future show. It asked if any women felt they were not promoted at work because of their lack of financial/business sense. Hello? Do men just have an innate sense of financial sense because of their gentilia? Vaginas prevent business sense? It made me so mad.


Patriarchal Phil strikes again.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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