Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:00pm

So, what changed with your relationship? I mean before the book and the smoking? Why do you think he was respectful toward her and not you? Why do you think he felt it necessary to suggest that book?


I know reading your posts you talk about what he has done but not why he has done it. I am asking intimate questions and you might not feel comfortable answering them.


Have you ever sought counseling with him? Also, I strongly suggest counseling for your kids. Divorce is hard on them and, when the parents despise each other, it makes it even harder. BTDT and got the T-Shirt. Get a good counselor too. The one I went to found out I tried to commit suicide (I was 13) and she offered to give me a plant if I didn't kill myself for a whole month. Wow! Huge incentive to stay alive. She gave me the damn plant and I gave it to my sister. I think she still has it. Get recommendations and stay on top of your daughters feelings even through your pain.



"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:27pm
Financial reasons and retaliation. If he could get custody, he'd get both alimony and child support from me. That makes his life easier. He's told me he'll get custody but I "can have the girls all I want". Meaning they can live with me. He just wants the check.


Edited 9/30/2004 9:40 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:37pm
He just wants things his way. As for why he treated her differently than me, I'm going to guess he loved her. Why else would a man put up with cheating and lying from a spouse? He still carries a lot of anger over their marriage. Maybe she spoiled him for all other women. I don't know.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:34pm

There is not one post I have made in this thread or any other that says it's your fault and that you should just accept him as he is and deal with it. What I did suggest, way back in the beginning before you became so defensive, was that if you were interested in making your marriage work that you attempt to look at the situation from his perspective and not be so focused on placing fault.


Since then, what I have commented on is your repeated assertions that your current actions are turning you into some sort of stellar role model for your girls. I disagree with that. Not because you are getting divorced, and not because you stayed in your marriage for so long, but because of the "I don't bear any responsibility in

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:38pm

Your post was laughable. "I have read this thread, which makes me informed." Yeah, right. And I know everything about current events because I listened to Jay Leno's monologue last night. Sheesh. There have been hundreds of posts by CLW about her marriage and her divorce. This thread doesn't even being to scratch the surface of what has already been posted.


Do we know the whole story? Of course not. Are we MORE informed that YOU are? You betcha.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:41pm

Here's a thought - maybe everything your dh does isn't directed at you. Maybe he's just addicted to cigarettes.


And yes, it was just an EXAMPLE. It was an EXAMPLE of how one can project their own feelings onto someone else. Happens all the time.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:43pm

Nope, never said any such thing. Not even close to anything I've ever said to you.


Can't say I'm surprised, though. It's

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:44pm

What in the world did that have to do with Sus's post?


Have you been taking reading comprehension lessons from another poster on this board?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:46pm
I'm glad you find it funny. I am also glad you realize that your knowledge of her situation is limited to what you have read on an internet bb. You're not even a fly on he wall.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:51pm
Doesn't it stand to reason that they wouldn't get a promotion in the business world if they lack business sense? Color me confused. It sounds as if the Dr. Phil show is desperate for material. He must be running out of dysfunctional families, which is hard to imagine.:-)

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