Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:56am
Sure. What "claims" do you think I made about you that have no support?
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:00am
Let's get something straight here. Other women are going through or have gone through what CLW is going through. No one is "kicking them while they are down." Mostly because they don't bring their personal problems here ad naseum.

CLW brings ALL her problems here ALL THE TIME. Then she gets mad whenever anyone calls her on what she brings here.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:11am
Hey, psst, note to gracieh, when she says "It came in the form of a book thrown in my face," don't make the mistake of thinking that he threw a book at her. (He didn't, she's being dramatic.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:24am
Thanks for the tip.Lord knows I needed it.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:26am
No thanks. I'm not really that interested.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:28am
Did you not ask me to read other threads to demonstrate your point?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:30am
Your post seems to suggest I have said she is solely responsible for the state of their relationship, and I wanted to clarify that I have never, ever suggested that. She has, however, mentioned efforts he has made to improve their relationship (unfortunately she chose to take offense at them). I have seen nothing whatsoever about what she has done or tried.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:33am
You can drop the "I'm divorcing him because he smoked around the kids." line. It's so absurd that I cannot even begin to have a rational discussion about it. You simpy don't end a marriage over something that minor. I agree that it's not good to smoke around kids, especially babies. But it's not the sort of thing you end a marriage over. Not if having an intact family is important to you.

The Dr. Laura book is another issue. All you see is the book when I think you need to see the MESSAGE he was trying to send with the book. From where I stand he was indicating that the marriage was something he WANTED to save. He was acknowledging serious marital issues, which is very difficult for people to do. He was also indicating that he wanted the marital issues fixed, NOT that he wanted out of the marriage. That is the macro level. You refused to see the macro level and looked ONLY at the book and the details of the book. I think you need to see the big picture. And in the big picture the book is just a tool he used to send a message. It's NOT the message itself.

He tried SOMETHING, although he did it ineloquently. You responded by divorcing him. If the marriage was something that was worth saving you could have responded to his message without responding to the tool he used to convey his message. In other words, you could have responded by discussing with him what was making BOTH of you unhappy in your marriage. It was a starting point, not an ending point.

And so THAT is why I say that if I had to come down on a side I would come down with him. BUT it is really difficult to know what happened to lead up to this. And for that reason it is nearly impossible for anyone to really say with any degree of certainty whether you are right or wrong in your choices.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:36am
No, I don't believe I did. Please point out where if you think I did. Curious as to why you think I am interested in proving a point about CLW to you anyway.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:26am
Well I don't have any knowledge of what she has tried either. I just think it's pretty difficult to definitively assess blame for the failure of a marriage on an internet bb.

Jenna

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