Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:37pm
Yoo-hoo, hello? He-llo-oo? Figuring out what YOU did to contribute to this train wreck would be YOUR job, I've just been pointing out that, sadly for your daughters, you appear to have no capacity to do that. You have said absolutely nothing to make me believe that your husband is an unfeeling ogre (I see now that "he smokes around the kids" doesn't get the outcry you hoped, he's now a lush, too!) and it defies all reason that someone could be in a relationship with someone for 25 years and have NO part of its demise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:38pm
LOl. Once again you put your spin on it.

He married me because he wanted help with the kids, he stayed married to me because I went to engineering school, which is also why he had the v reversal because I would have left and found someone else to have a family with. Once the kids were born, he figured he could do what he wanted.

He told me, years ago that he almost divorced me about the time I decided to go to college. I asked him why he chanegd his mind and never got an answer. I think he planned to go our separate ways when the boys were older but I became a meal ticket so he stuck around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:41pm
Oh, He*l no, nobody is gonna smoke around my kids. My husband smoked about 13 years ago and I told him I couldn't stand it and I couldn't live with him if he continuted to be a smoker. He finially quit cold turkey, and I am VERY proud of him! Leigh
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:44pm
It's a compelling story. I know that I try not to be hurtful with someone who is going through a difficult time. But that doesn't mean I will not put my opinion out there. I am sympathetic to GMK becuase I know the end of a marriage is painful. But that doesn't mean I will agree with every word she writes.

JEnna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:09pm
Your kids are how old? Not that young if I recall. They are at least in ES because we have discussed the Everyday Mathematics program which is an ES program. So this has been going on for what 8 or 9 years and THIS YEAR you decided the smoking was the reason you were going to divorce him? It might have annoyed you for years. It sure would have annoyed me. But I find it difficult to beleive that something that has been going on for the better part of a decade is suddenly a catalyst for divorce.

And no I don't think you should just allow him to smoke around your kids with no comment, but I am finding it difficult to believe it is the catalyst for the dissolution of a marriage.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:14pm
Counseling was a waste. They didn't tell him what he wanted to hear. I'm guessing that's why he didn't want to go after the book incident. He said he would, at first, but then started pretending everything was ok and we didn't need it. I delayed filing when dd#2 had her surgery and I guess he got the idea all was ok. There's been no mention of counseling since I filed. He just keeps repeating that we can work it out. Too late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:15pm
He's been telling me he's going to quit for 12 years. It'll never happen. He can't deny himself anything he wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:18pm
As I've said REPEATEDLY, the smoking issue is just an example of the disrespect he shows me!! Yes, the smoking around the kids is part of it. A part that has grown and festered over the years. The more I asked him not to, the more determined he became to do what he wanted in his house and the more it festered!!! No, it never was a little issue but it grew into a big festering sore. I don't understand why that is so hard for you to understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:22pm
He's the lead programmer for a small chain operation. It's his software so they're kind of stuck with him. I'm surprised they put up with what they do. He drops the kids off at school at 9:00 and goes home and plays his computer game for an hour before going in and then is home before 6:00 (but it's a MAJOR inconvenience if I ask him to be home by 6:00 so I can take a class (insert eye rolling icon here)) even with his half hour commute. When he wants to go on vacation, he just goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:23pm
Near as I can see, I married into it. YOU are the one telling me it's my fault. It's up to you to support your claims.

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