Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

Pages

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:25pm
I actually DO understand how it could bother you. And I DO understand how it could fester. FTR, I wouldn't even date a smoker. I find smoking so repulsive I couldn't even bring myself to kiss a smoker. And there is no way I could live in a house that smells like an ashtray or drive in a car that smells like an ashtray.

I just don't understand how it could become the catalyst for divorce after nearly a decade. It just seems like if you were going to divorce because you felt the smoking was an issue it would have happened sooner. After all, if it were a big enough issue to divorce over in 2004 why wouldn't it have been an equally big issue for you to divorce over 8 or 9 years ago? So I am not having trouble understanding why ALL OF A SUDDEN it became a divorceable offense.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:31pm
Show me ONE post where I've said this is YOUR fault and I'd be happy to back up the claims (I didn't make).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:42pm
The book was the catalyst for the divorce. The smoking and several other things are just festering sores that grew and grew. Eventually, they would have exploded and it would have been the end. The book was the needle that pierced the festering puss sac. It's really not that hard to understand. I tried to deal with his smoking best I could but it gets to you after years of disrespect. By your logic, I should have just left with a newborn the first time he lit up and never given him a chance to change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:44pm
LOL, you've accused me of not taking responsibility several times and posted that you don't think it's all my xh's fault. That implies you think I'm at fault. I'd like to know how and I'd like to know how you know that.

FTR, no one I know IRL thinks it's my fault at all. In fact, most have been telling me to dump him for years starting with my mother who tried to get me to tear up the marriage license after the ceremony.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:47pm
LOL "CLW brings ALL her problems here ALL THE TIME" Nope, you ain't heard the half of it. I post things that are relevent to the discussion at hand. For example, here I posed about a situation, from personal experience, where it would be repugnant to expect a spouse to put out just because their spouse wanted some. From there, I was attacked and defended my position.

Yes, I've posted personal stuff but it's relevent to the debate. Unfortunately, people try to turn the debate personal when all it's intended to be is an example of a situation.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:50pm
No not necessarily. There's a difference between leaving after a day and leaving after a decade. I also understand that the smoking is something that added to the unpleasantness on a daily basis. It's just that I don't think it's the sole reason why a marriage dissolves. And from what you just wrote it really wasn't the catalyst, just one of many things that bothered you for years. That is something with which I can identify.

I understand the book being the catalyst. I don't necessarily agree with all your actions, but it's hard for me to say you are wrong because I am not there and haven't ever even observed you and him in the same room. No matter how many posts you make on the issue it is hard to really know what goes on based on internet posts. You can have an opinion based on what you have read, but that is not the same as KNOWING.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 6:55pm
Asking you to take responsibility for your part in the divorce is NOT the same as saying it's all your fault.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 7:00pm
I am not starting the whole debate again. A good role model is more than your work profession. A good role model is more encompassing.

"Hasty conclusions are the mark of a fool" Sign in front of a church


Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:15pm
That's probably because "putting up with crap" doesn't do anything to fix a marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:22pm
LOL. So what should I have done?

Pages