Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:22pm
So, just what is my part I've failed to take responsibility for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:24pm
Show me where I said it was the sole reason the marriage dissolved. I said it was reason I didn't feel like having sex with him and I disagree STRONGLY with Laura S. that I should have anyway. This is but one example. The underlying problem is a basic disrespect. The book was just another example of that. It just happens to be the last one I'll put up with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:31pm
A good role model is many things. IMO, modeling self sufficiency is one of them. It sure beats modeling dependency.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:33pm
Well there you go. I told you you don't take any responsibility for having any part in the demise of your own relationship; you say I can't know that is the case because you've never said you had any part in this at all. Bingo. It's just sad that the necessary result of this "my only mistake is to have married him at all" nonsense is that you now have to believe that your daughters were never wanted and loved by this man, and your dds are apt at some point to hear that and be devastated - by YOU.

But now that I know that your own mother is actually taking your side on this, my whole opinion changes, so never mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:45pm
Lol, no I believe he didn't want the girls because of his actions. He doesn't give a $hit if he blows smoke in their faces or not. Gee, what a caring parent we have here. Yes, my mistake was marrying him. I'm rectifying that one now.

His behavior has become worse and worse since the girls were born. The only improvement is now that I'm divorcing his butt. The fact it took filing for divorce to get any action on his part ought to tell you something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:49pm
"The underlying problem is a basic disrespect." Ah, but that's something you two had in COMMON! He told you he didn't feel respected; you told him you didn't respect him one little bit. (I do wonder why he's 100% at fault for disrespecting you, and you are 100% right in disrespecting him? Oh, I know, because you were The Perfect Spouse and he was The Bad Guy!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:54pm
"The fact it took filing for divorce to get any action on his part ought to tell you something." Oh, it does, it does. That something you put up with for NINE YEARS, you're now willing to use as a cudgel in a divorce proceeding to try to keep your daughters from being in the custody of their father, where you've said it's otherwise "too bad" for them that they won't be.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:22pm

What difference does it make? It's not like you'll listen to anything anyone has to say. The pattern is very clear.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 11:08pm
Oh, I agree. I just don't agree with your definition of any of those things.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 11:17pm

Oh, please. My family drove me to the courthouse and high-fived each other when I got divorced. That doesn't mean I didn't have some responsibility for the situation.


Your obsession with "fault" is frankly pathetic. You are terrified of failure in any form. I sincerely hope that you are continuing counseling and getting it for your children as well.

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