Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 8:52am
Please explain how your child's IQ, yamaha music lessons, your plan to leave engineering and become a teacher, your sex life, your husband's faults, your mother and her problems, and your divorce are part of the WOH/SAH debate?

outside_the_box_mom

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 8:55am
I'm sorry, I haven't been following this entire divorce discussion. Did she say she doesn't want her DH to have joint physical custody? Didn't she just agree with O123 somewhere else that "mommies" go around saying Dad is unimportant???? If so, why is it ok for her to eliminate Dad from her daughters' life????? Talk about double standards! Sheesh.

That is it. I have to stop reading this stuff. I need a serious helmet.

outide_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 9:39am

But you're way is not the only way.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:00am
My, you have missed a lot. Yes, you have it right, per her, it's a terrible thing that people think only mommies count when what moms really should be doing is working, like she does, so as to force dads to do 50% of the child care, because that's what's best for kids, esp. girls. Only, that's kinda an awkward position for her now that she's in a battle for sole custody which SHE can't stand the thought of losing (14282.375), so all of a sudden, it's not what's best for HER kids. Remember how her DH was a really great and good dad all this time? Well, now her DH is now not just a smoker, but a negligent alcoholic CHILD ABUSER! Oh yes. 14241.804. And he's never even loved them, just wants custody so as to be able to get her cash and pension. 14287.526 and .493. He actually wouldn't mind letting her see the kids as much as she'd like, but she not only wants sole custody, but supervised visitation when they're with him. Not a week ago, though, she was telling us that it was really "too bad" for all their sakes that the smoking issue she's now so concerned about was keeping her from letting him have sole custody:

"Yes, we're both going for full custody. The only reason he doesn't smoke around the kids is I'd kill him. When I'm not here, he thought nothing of smoking around them. Well, until I filed that is. Now he's Mr. Considerate. I'm betting the court will see his sudden concern for the kids breathing second hand smoke as the ruse it is.

It's really too bad it can't go the other way. The girls schedule would stay the same if he had custody and we'd both get to see them more but I don't trust that he won't go right back to smoking around the kids without me there to nag him out of the house." 14287.272.

I'd lend you a helmet but I'm gonna need one myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:20am
As I suspected. Just spouting off. You don't have a clue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:21am
Because he's the one who won't keep his word. I've never told him I'd do something and then just told him to shove it. Yes, I've reached the point I don't respect him but it took years of him acting like he didn't deserve respect.

So, what do you think was disrespectful about my asking him not to smoke around me and the kids?


Edited 10/2/2004 10:23 am ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:34am
I don't agree with joint custody because I think it's too disruptive to kids. I think they need to know where home is. That, however, doesn't mean I don't think dads are important. It just means I think kids need to know where home is. However, in STBX's case, there will be no one to stop him from smoking around the kids when we're divorced. That alone is reason to deny him custody. My lawyer says there's precidence to call his smoking around the kids child abuse. He also doesn't think 9 yo's need a baby sitter. I have good reason to not want joint custody.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:36am
Modeling trust and faith in the person you've chosen to spend your life with isn't such a bad thing either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:37am
The question I was answering was why I thought someone should not be expected to have sex with their spouse. I used a real life example. The other discussions were also relavent to the debate at the time. For example, music lessons are an example of something we actually know makes a difference whereas moms working status has never been shown to make a difference. It's a comparison.

My career change was brought up in an attempt to show I"m not a good role model for my girls and yes, I defended my position. If I show my girls that you have two 20 year careers, one in a technical field and the other returning what you've learned, I will have done well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:38am
I would have done all of that anyway.

No this isn't after I got what I wanted. This is after I took all I"m going to take. There's a difference.

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