Traditional roles, Are they really....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traditional roles, Are they really....
886
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:18pm
You should tell him that Dr Laura would tell you to divorce him immediately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:43pm
The old "he disrespected me first!" Of course you never agreed to do something for him and then told him to shove it - you are ever so proud of never agreeing to do anything for his sake in the first place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:59pm

You would have done all what?

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:12pm
Huh? I allowed him to smoke in front of the kids? Being unable to stop him is not the same as allowing it. I've never condoned it. However, with the divorce, I gain the legal power to enforce a no smoking around the kids rule.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:14pm

So what you are saying is that you haven't done any real research and you are going to cite on arbitrary and extreme example of joint custody?

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:16pm
I'm leaving and not dropping out of school, lol. Yes, I still would have worked pt. I made livable wage working part time so why not? I'm only half way through my program at school and I plan on finishing. The only thing that will change is when I change careers. I made a deal with my boss to get a leave of absence to do my student teaching. That eliminates 5 months of unemployment for me when I do my student teaching. Where there's a will, there's a way.

So dh isn't fit to share custody so we won't. No, I will not allow him to smoke around the kids. If it takes a court order, then it takes a court order. I've tried all I know how to with us under the same roof. Without me policing the situation, I don't believe joint custody would work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:17pm
What am I supposed to say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:19pm
You misunderstood. Imposing a no smoking rule will limit visitation because he can't go without smoking. HE will choose to limit visitation rather than not smoke. Trust me on this. You can also trust me that we'll be back in court post divorce to enforce that no smoking rule.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:19pm
If you felt that second hand smoke constituted child abuse (your words, not mine) and you didn't pack up and walk out the door the second it was clear that he would continue the behaviour, yes, you allowed it to happen. By the time your children were born, you had a good career and good prospects for the future. Regardless of your feelings about divorce, you should never have stayed in a relationship that involved your children being abused, period. You didn't even have the excuse of not being able to support them on your own.


Even if you gain custody, I doubt very much that you'll be able to limit your dh's contact to supervised visits only and I can see any way that you would have the legal right to bar him from smoking around the kids....it isn't illegal.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:19pm
I'm not denying them a father. I expect that HE will limit visitation rather than not smoke.

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