Traditional roles, Are they really....
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Traditional roles, Are they really....
| Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:04am |
healthy for women or men? Let me just preface this by saying I have been living in a traditional role my entire married life. Dh brings home the paycheck and I raise the kids. This past weekend we came from a family gathering that involved all the women working and all of the men sitting and watching sports. Frankly, I am sick of it.I am completely wiped out after those things! I have four kids, two of which are 3 and 5 and need to be supervised, so I am working twice as hard! Just this morning dh told me not to buy anything without clearing it with him first....bleck! I am beginning to feel as if the kids get short changed when families are traditional. Dads don't interact with their kids as much as they should. Moms get to feel like a slave to their families. I am beginning to feel as if it is best for families if the mom at least works part time because then the dh can be more active in parenting and keeping up the household. This is sort of a vent but a debate as well. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.~Lisa

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I agree on differences in maturity but I'd say most 9 yo's are not mature enough to be left alone and most 12 yo's are.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
I believe dh is addicted to alcohol and cigarettes and both to the point it clouds his vision. Asking him to wait 20 minutes to have a cigarette (say when we're driving somewhere) is just too much for him to bear. I think he has some kind of addictive personality disorder. He does whatever he does to excess and it's like he can't stop himself.
He also seems to think that someone owes him because he doesn't have the life he wants. His mom told me he was like this as a kid too and that she's always worried about him because of it. Nothing ever lives up to his expectations and anything that doesn't makes him miserable. He expects others to make his life what he wants it to be. Hence his over reliance on my career. My going back to school for a teaching cert was met with far less than an enthusiastic response. Fortunately, my MIL has the utmost respect for teachers and boxed his ears otherwise we'd still be fighting.
He has this crazy idea that because I'm a female engineer none of the rules apply to me. I won't be downsized out and if I am, I'll have a job paying twice as much in 6 weeks time. One reason I want to make this career change is engineering is just to unstable as we get older. Companies start downsizing us out about the time we turn 50. I don't want to be 50 something, downsized out with my family dependent on my income and forced to try and start over. I'd rather move on to something more stable.
Honestly, I understand why companies downsize us out. By 40 we're slowing down but we have a knowledge base that makes us valuable but by 50, that isn't enough. You only need to keep about 1 in 5 engineers to keep your knowledge base and 2 20 somethings will work as hard as 3 50 somethings for about half the money. I can't say as I can blame companies for trying to get us to retire early and downsizing us out when we don't. So, I started thinking about what I wanted to do for my second career and decided I have a lot to offer in the teaching dept. Teaching was actually my first major but the field was so glutted at the time, I decided against it and went to engineering school. Given that we are not graduating U.S. born engineers in the numbers we need, I'm hoping it's a good fit. I know what it takes to become an engineer. Hopefully, I'll be able to help my students move that direction.
Anyway, a little off subject there but dh isn't happy that he won't be retiring on an engineers salary. He wants this life the way he wants it but wants someone else to make it happen. He married the right person, lol. I believe in making things happen myself, unfortunately, for him, I make them happen my way.
Again, counseling. I highly recommend it. If you wont do it for yourself, do it for your daughters.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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