Update on DSD's educational issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Update on DSD's educational issue
6
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 9:46am
Just wanted to give you guys an update as promised. This will be my last post regarding my dsd on this board. It is more appropriate for the Step-parenting Board.

Well, we received my dsd's report. And, SHE PASSED! She'll be going to the first grade in the fall. The teacher informed us at a special meeting this weekend (DH, BM and I) that she is going to need extended help with her reading skills. She says she has the potential but her conduct interfere's with her school work. She also recommended that she be evaluated just to be sure she doesn't have a learning disability. She says she probably doesn't since she's very much capable of learning when having reinforcement at home. (she didn't say which home, so as not to offend anyone).

After the meeting, the BM asked us for money for my dsd's camp this summer. My dh told her no, and that he thought his dd was coming home with him. The BM told him no, she's staying home this summer and that she needs to go to camp. My dh said that wasn't fair and that he had planned for her coming, as usual, this summer. The BM said no, and told him that when she gets more money, that he will then see her during the summers. My dh told her that he'll see her in court. BM still continued to ask for the money and said he was to pay for summer camp. He told her that he didn't have to pay anything over the court order. The BM stated that if his wife (me, as if I wasn't there), can afford to buy her dss a practically new car for college then she can pay for the camp. *I* decided it was time for me to speak up, so I nicely said, "My name is not on that court order" and I got in the car.

BM got furious and persisted to ask for the money. My dh asked her how much it was and when it was due. She said it was $100/wk for 8 weeks and it was due this coming Wednesday (May 28, 2003). He sais he'll work something out and pay it. She said she wanted the money in her hand and she'll take it there. He said no, he'll pay it directly to the camp director. He asked for her the information, such as the name of the camp, director's name and phone number. She told him forget it and that she'll just keep her at home this summer. My dh asked her why to forget it and she told him to shove his money and his wife's money (me) up his a$$ and proceeded to cuss and drive away.

What was all the frustration about do you think?

Anyway, I'm happy for my dsd and hope she continues well. We'll be trying to get with her a little more frequently in regards to her schoolwork. We plan on getting her a camera for her computer so we can discuss and teach and help her over the computer. I think she'll be okay until we can get custody.

We haven't heard from my dsd yet in regards to her not coming this summer, but I'm sure she's upset about it.


Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:39am
I feel so sorry for your SDD. :-(

I think it's absolutely disgusting (and probably illegal) that she's demanding more CS before granting visitation. Your dh needs to seriously check into that, and document it for the court. Here, and I understand in a lot of states if not most, visitation and child support have to be absolutely separate issues...one cannot affect the other. Shoot, if they could, my son would never once have laid eyes on his father.

And good for your dh for insisting on paying the camp directly. Maybe if he does more of that, BM might catch a clue. Not too hopeful, but possible.

I really hope that somehow, something can be resolved here. This poor little girl is being so used, and that makes me ill.

Good luck!

Lauren


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 12:23pm
Well, that's certainly good news that she passed. Sorry about the other details, but perhaps a more specific visitation schedule can be arranged when you hammer out the new support agreement. I would be surprised if a judge that permits every other weekend visits from 8 hours away didn't also permit a lengthy visit in the summer. Good for you and your dh for holding to payment to the camp only and not to the biomom; until she can prove she can be trusted to use the extra money for the purposes intended, she shouldn't have access to it.

I hope you do post updates from time to time here, regardless; I don't like to hang out at the Stepparents boards because it can sometimes make stepparents feel uncomfortable to have bioparents hanging around and everybody deserves their safe places to vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 12:31pm
I totally missed the school thing, didn't I? I am so glad to hear that she passed. What a relief, in so many ways....I can only imagine what a boost it will be to her self-esteem, too!

And I agree with Hank & Indy's Mom...please do post updates. I'm always interested to hear how things work out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 9:09am
Well dsd's evaluation will be next week on June 2, 2003. Let's cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 2:15pm
i think it is great that she passed kindergarten and hopefully thru the testing and evaluation she will get help if that is what she needs. one thing though, at that age alot of kids need help with reading, and alot of them needing help dont have learning disabilities. when my dd was in 5th grade she was part of some national program, i dont recall the name of it, where she tutored 1st and 2nd graders in reading, what was great about the program was she got as much out of it from doing the tutoring as the kids she was tutoring - but that is besides the point. but alot of those kids came from homes where they had VERY involved parents, they had no learning disabilities, they just had trouble learning to read - but by the end of the year all of them were reading at grade level. one thing i learned when my dd was learning to read was the trick was to find things that she wanted to read, even if it was just the funny papers - once reading becomes fun they seem to take to it easier.

Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 2:48pm
i doubt that she has a learning disorder as well. She has too much potential and she learns other things, that's not needed, at a high pace. So I'm sure she'll be okay. I think if she just had someone that cared consistently in her day-to-day life or more frequently, that she would do so much better than *just pass*.

I really hope she continues to do well.

Tonya