the value of having a SAHP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
the value of having a SAHP
549
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 8:57am

Whatever your circumstances, and whatever your family's complex mixture of reasons for choosing to have a SAHP, or not....


do you see any value at all, for a typical child, in having a SAHP (either short term or long term)?


Even if in your family, the many benefits of having dual-WOHPs outweigh any potential benefits of having a SAHP (or if having a SAHP is literally impossible for whatever reason), do you actually acknowledge that that are benefits to be had by choosing to have a SAHP?


(on the assumption that the hypothetical SAHP is happy to SAH, and puts a lot into it)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:21am

"do you see any value at all, for a typical child, in having a SAHP (either short term or long term)?"


Absolutely, yes, and for those families for whom the SAHP has special training in a child-related field, or in a family in which one or more of the children has health, learning or other issues, even more so.


"Even if in your family, the many benefits of having dual-WOHPs outweigh any potential benefits of having a SAHP (or if having a SAHP is literally impossible for whatever reason), do you actually acknowledge that that are benefits to be had by choosing to have a SAHP?"


Definitely.


<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:31am
I don't see any value to a typical child in having a SAHP per se. I do see value in a lot of things that are typically linked to having a SAHP, for instance, long-term nursing, or Mom being able to invest a lot into the child's education. I don't see those things as exclusive to SAHPs, though, I see them as possible with a lot of thought and work and planning even if the poor child has dual WOHPs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:34am

Sure, I think there is value to it. I will address only what would be different in my house.

If I had been a SAHM that was not in school (thus home almost 24/7):
There would have been more consistency. The naptime/bedtime routines, the meals, the discipline. While my DH and parents (who came to my home to watch the kids while I was in school) did our best to be on the same page, I know there were differences that in some cases bordered on being significant.

My DH's vacation time could have been used for more family days/vacations instead of using them to care for the kids while I study.

If I had been a full-time WOHM:
I could not have had our morning routine, which I do believe is extremely important for my kids. I let them wake up in their own time, I play with them a bit, feed the toddler a hot balanced breakfast, feed the baby his cereal and fruit, play with them some more. Their schedules so far have been staggered, so I end up with at least half an hour of one-on-one time each morning with each kid. For MY kids, this morning routine has proved to be really important. First, they both eat more in the morning than any other meal, so packing as much nutrition as I can into their breakfasts is important to me. Second, if they get one-on-one time in the morning, they are happy and pleasant most of the day. On the few mornings where they wake up together, they both tend to start the day cranky.

Can I just say, it is really hard to do this exercise without adding the countervailing point, the "but" at the end.

Also, I could not come up with general value that all families would receive from a SAHP. Each of the values I came up with in my mind could, IMO, be accomplished in a dual-income house, but would just be EASIER in a home with a SAHP. By the same token, any general value I come up with for a WOHM can be accomplished by a family with one SAHP. I just don't think I am able to generalize about work status and value (I mean, I'm sure I do unintentionally generalize in casual conversation, but if pressed on whether these things are actually universal, I can't do it.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:44am

>>and for those families for whom the SAHP has special training in a child-related field, or in a family in which one or more of the children has health, learning or other issues, even more so.<<


The moms club I used to belong to often felt like a kindergarten teachers convention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:46am

I've never said anything but. I think there are benefits to both choices. Otherwise, how could I consider both choices equally valid?

IME on this board, the numbers of those who find both choices valid far outweighs the militants, which is why I find your question so odd.

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:51am
I'm under the impression that some people consider both choices equally valid, not because they see any particular benefit in having a SAHP, but in a more live-and-let-live "it's not for me (or my kids) but I'm not you" way.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:54am
raises hand -- yeah that's me. I can 100% honestly say that I don't really think about it in real life -- some kids moms stay home some kids dads stay home some have parents who work full time some have parents who work part time some don't even have parents ....I'm definitely of a "hey if it works for you and makes you happy knock youreslf out" kind of a mindset , I've never pondered the great implications or ramifications. I've questioned a ton of my own parenting decisions b/c frankly I don't think I'm that great a mom but I've never thought "gee.... are the kids of stay at home mom's better off?" I don't really have the energy for that... LOL
"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:54am
My feeling is that there are some benefits which are almost exclusively linked to having a SAHP, but that there are parallel benefits that the same child could have by living the alternate life, which are just as beneficial but in different ways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 10:00am
I'm curious what the benefits are that are linked exclusively to SAHP. And of course what the parallel benefits are that are linked to WOHP? Not as fighting words, but because I could not come up with any benefits exclusive to either work status, so I'm curious what they are. Would you share?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 10:08am
I didn't mention any specifics because I'm aware that many people would not consider them benefits.

Pages