want to work

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
want to work
5
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:03pm
Ok so here goes. I'm new to the board and this is my dilema. I have 2 boys ages 9 & 5. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years. My 5 year old will be entering kindergarten this fall. And I am ready to begin working again. My dh does not understand why. My oldest is from a previous marriage and when we got married my dh said he wanted me to stay home with my son. Which I thought was the greatest thing since he was not his son and he was 3 at the time. I never had that option when I was married to my first husband. I was home about 1 year before getting pregnant with my second son. We decided I would not work while he was little. We never set an age when I would return to work. I have been very involved with my older son at school and my younger son at preschool. Now that he is going into kindergarten I thought I would work. I'm ready I'm really tired of being at home. I want some adult conversation. My husband thinks that I should remain at home until my younger son goes into 5th grade. I was like are you kidding me. I can't do it. DH wants me to be as involved in my younger sons school activities like I was with my older son. I didn't say I would not go on field trips and stuff I just want to work. I will be working for the school system so I will have off when the kids have off. My husband says I should be thankful there are a lot of women who would love to stay at home and would envy me. I realize that, but he would be fine with me staying at home the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel he does not want me to work because he has it so easy. Dinner ready, clothes washed, house cleaned, kids taken care of, and all he has to do is go to work. And if I were to get a job all that would change. He would have to help me in the morning pack lunches ect. He would have to go into work later to help me get the kids to school. He would have to cook dinner because the kids play football and I would not have time after I got home from work. Football practice is 3 nights a week, games on Saturdays. Am I being selfish? I feel I have done so much and I deserve to do something for myself now. So I just wanted to know how you feel?

                         

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
In reply to: jski08
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:27pm

People resist change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
In reply to: jski08
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:39pm
You're right about my husband I didn't mean to sound so agianst him. I will be working in the office as a data processor. There are 3 days thru out the school year that I would have to work and the kids didn't have school. Which is not a big deal the kids would stay with family. And I would be off at 4 P.M. The kids would get to stay at school with me free of charge. I will get 2 weeks off at christmas. One week off at easter and the whole summer. So we would still be able to do family vacations and everything else we do during their time off. I'm really excited about it. My husband does make enough for me to stay at home but there has been alot of sacrifices. Which is fine I don't mind sacrificing for my kids. I really think my income would be great. My kids and my dh and I could have a lot more. Well thanks for you advice.

                         

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
In reply to: jski08
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:42pm
I'm sure you can make it work, with his support, he'll just need a little time and encouragement to get used to the idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: jski08
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 11:39pm
You're not being selfish at all, but you may have to ease your husband into the transition. You might test out some slow cooker recipes so that maybe he'll only have to worry about making dinner twice a week instead of three times, or cook large extra servings of dinner the night before a game so that all that needs to be done is reheating the leftovers. Prepare everything the night before. Lay out clothes before bed, put backpacks with homework/permission slips by the front door, pack lunches the night before - just grab everything and go in the morning. With both children in school, there is no reason why you would need to be at home all day if you don't want to, especially if your work schedule matches their school schedule. Plus, since you said the extra income would be just that (extra), then maybe you could hire someone to come clean once a week? Anything that might make for a smoother transition would be good (men can be such babies sometimes, can't they?). Try to help him see that it's going to be a change in routine, not a change in quality of life.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
In reply to: jski08
Thu, 02-14-2008 - 12:28am

Wanting something more for yourself does not make you selfish. I love my job and do not miss my family at all when I am at work. I work two days during the week and sometimes on the weekends. My first priority is always my family but one day my boys will be grown up and out of the home and what will I have then.


On a side note; I was home everyday last week and my house was spotless, all my shopping done, I volunteered my time at school and by Friday I was bored to tears.